It's the End of a year...?

So, here we are in December as this year comes to a close. Am I excited? Of course I am! School is good, and overall I can't complain too much about life. There are those little things that bug the crud out of me, but I just get over them and move on with my life. I only have a few more things to get done this week & basically I have to get them done by tomorrow & then I can sort of relax... of course then it's the matter of doing luandry, packing, and cleaning. But I think I can get all that done & be basically happy! Life is grand! I can't believe how much this year has flown by, and how much has happened this past year. First, in January I decided I was going to stay in Rexburg. Weird! Then in February one of my best friends left on his mission. Then, in March my grandpa passed away, and then april I started a new year of school... over the summer I got on fast grad, and now look at me... I have a year left in school... crazy! This next year will be interesting! :D Well, it's almost time for me to go to class... so, ta ta for now!

A Brand New Thought

So, after talking to several people over the past week including my mother about some problems I've been having with others... I came up with a thought I'm really going to try...

NOYB

When wanting to gossip about someone try talking to them about it first to see if it's okay to say what you are wanting to say! ;)

Now, you're probably wondering why I am putting this up... Well, it has recently come to my knowledge how much I'm being talked about behind my back. I'm sitting here wondering if I EVER gave permission to others to talk about me, but then I realize that NO because it's MY life I haven't. I truly am starting to see how bad gossiping is. I have been hurt by it so much over the past few weeks, and I'm not even sure if I'm the one gossipping, but I know I've been gossipped about. Sometimes... even good Gossip can be BAD!!!! See, a year ago I almost dated this guy... he's a really amazing friend of mine and everything, but I feel like it is mine or his place to tell people about how we almosted dated. NOT ANYONE ELSE. Well, someone has been going around talking about me & this guy saying that I still like him, and I thought to myself... isn't that my decision to make? So, last night when going to bed I decided that Gossipping about others is NEVER good... So, I'm going to try from here on out to not gossip about others... not do the "he said, she said" junk... it seriously hurts people & it's not fair! What goes on in another person's life is their business... NOT YOURS... unless they are married to you... lol. Or unless you are really worried about that person, but then you should probably take that to the Lord and have him help you help them... but don't be going to others talking about it. Too many people end up hurt that way, and honestly... I'm sick of being hurt! Anyway, there's my little thought... and hope you enjoyed it! :D

It's a new dawn, It's a new day, It's a new life for me!!!!!

I would like to start this off by that song...

Because truly when it all comes down to things I am feeling good! 

Maybe I should explain just a tad. I have this overwhelming feeling that I can't explain, but I kept dwelling on it. Recently I decided that I truly do have major feelings for my best friend in France, BUT I will date others while he is gone... I do not however, want to be "tied down" when he gets home. 

Actually for now, I think that's all I want to say! So... tata!

What's happening?

Well, last week I went on a date with my new friend, Robert Christensen. He is Brian Christensen's brother! Pretty crazy! I had loads of fun on this date. It was AWESOME! We were able to really get to know each other and build a pretty good friendship. The next night I had a birthday party for Brian... he was turning 23 the next day. He's been such a good friend to me & it was the one way I knew I could pay him back. Well, so much has been going on in my life & I guess I'm just at a point where it's really important that I figure out what is what. It may take me some time, but I guess that's the point. Right now, I wish there was so much I could do for Brian, but I can't. I guess there comes a time in everyone's life where you just have to start figuring things out for yourself. That's all for now. Until next time... tata

A new week of classes.

I started a new week of classes this week, and I must say it was intense. However, I am very pleased with my schedule, and I'm excited to see how everything plays out. I will probably be losing weight this semester :D! It's going to be fun! I am glad I have the friends I have too. Just to have all of them back this semester is AWESOME! Life is pretty fun so far, but that's only cause I haven't died yet! LOL! I don't know what else to say... ttfn!

HURRICANE PARTY...

Hurricane Party out of control lying in the gutter eatin' tootsie rolls. Red ant bites all over my ass. Beating all my buddies with a baseball bat. I had a little party me & my friends. A hurricane was coming to New Orleans again! Somebody brought scotch somebody brought beer. I shoulda' kept the hooch and thrown 'em outta here.

In other words... A Hurricane is headed to NOLA & all of Louisiana! Yet again, I'm not there for it & I'm quite grateful. However, I am worried about my friends & my brother are there! I'm also glad that I got out of there when I did. Well, that's all I can say. Look up the song it's by Cowboy Mouth!

Pack it in!

For the past two weeks I have been in Louisiana helping my mother pack things away. Although it may look that we have not gotten much done (only because there are boxes... EVERYWHERE) we have packed many boxes full of valuable items. However, being here has made me realize tons of things... 1) who my real friends are... 2) what matters most in the world 3) and what not to hold onto when I get my own family!! I absolutely love my parents, but there is so much stuff... of course me & all my siblings are partly to blame for that. If we had maybe boxed up our stuff a little better... I dunno. Finding all those old notes that I had put in a box kinda makes me wonder about myself, and what I thought when I went off to college. I've started to realize that who from my past matters to me, and who doesn't... I just don't care about all the little things any more (meaning gossip and what not.) Also, I wanted to put on here my post on a video on youtube... first let me explain: I was watching a video about New Orleans to the song "American Pie" I decided to read some of the comments posted, and I was quite amazed to read what people come up with... i.e. trying to blame Bush for a hurricane or earthquake, and then trying to say that IF Obama becomes President it will all stop? OH PLEASE! So, here is my response: ENJOY! ;)

I'm sorry, but I was reading some the responses to this video & some are just RIDICULOUS! People, seriously... you try to blame mother nature's natural things on a man... I'm sorry, but they are not powerful to do any of that! You can't order a hurricane to hit a place, or an earthquake or any thing. As for Obama becoming President and all of it stopping man, you're dumb! This is the time of the beginning of the end! The World will soon end (maybe in a few 100 years, but still!) DEAL WITH IT!

That is my response to that video... if you would like to see the video... here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEjmLwvLUGU

Love and peace... later y'all!

Growing up?

Well, there is a time in a person's life when they realize that they have grown up a bit. Actually, I think this happens several times throughout life. Even though many of us still wish we were children when our biggest care in the world is what is going on right this moment. However, this is not my point... I am saying that I have yet again faced one of those moments where I feel that the some thing I did when I was younger well, they don't matter to me any more. Truthfully to me now it doesn't matter who I liked back in Junior High or even some of high school. Some may ask where this is coming from. Well, today I was going through some old boxes I had, and in these boxes were notes from friends clear back into my junior high days. To tell the truth it was kinda embarrassing to read some of it. So, I got to the point where reading it really didn't matter any more and I decided I'll put it in the big burn bag to be burned! :D Pretty much it feels like a whole new chapter in my life just keeps coming forward. I don't care that my parents are moving... actually I'd love to get them out of here faster. Well, for now that's all I have to say... until next time... AU REVOIR!

The show must go on...

So, I got home to Louisiana today. Oh what a joyous day? Sure, I guess it just means I have to get tons done over the course of a few weeks. I really want to just get my mom up to Utah ASAP! Well, I decided to check my grades and sure enough it looked about where I thought it would. I have to retake Math & World Civ just as I thought, and it will probably put me back a semester in graduating because basically I have decided that I don't EVER want to take that many credits again. Especially if I ever have certain crazy teachers again. Which I actually don't plan on. On another note however, I passed all my other classes with flying colors. American Heritage I even got an A in! I was ecstatic about that considering it was the third time I took it. Early Field Experience of course was an A, and one of the most helpful classes I've ever taken. It was truly amazing! Children's Literature I pretty much had the feeling last week I was going to get an A in it because I got 100% on my file! :D And religion I pretty much got to decide my grade based on honor, but of course being an honest student I did all the work so I deserved the A! :D I am very happy that I excelled in those classes... it truly puts a smile on my face, and I know I can continue to work hard, and get those other grades up... it shouldn't be too terribly hard. Who knows maybe next semester I can work hard enough to pass all my classes with straight A's... that would be nice. I don't plan on retaking any classes next semester just because I don't feel like changing any of my classes. Next semester will be interesting though... I'm taking fun classes like Literacy & Intro to Literacy & Geography... I absolutely love that kind of stuff! :D The only hard part about next semester will be that I have to pass my first Literacy exam... oh boy! I'm sure I'll be fine as long as I don't choke! Well, I best be getting some sleep as it is pretty late central time.

Don't Worry Just Trust

This morning I wake up feeling pretty tired, and not exactly sure what to think. Last night a really good friend of mine that I hadn't seen in 3 months came to visit. It was truly a blessing beyond measure to see him because it brought happiness during a time of stress even if it was only for a little while. Well, something happened when I woke up this morning where last night seemed just really far away. However, something told me to talk to my cousin... I texted him and we began to talk about all kinds of different things, and this is when he told me "don't worry just trust" he said, "I have a grandma that always tells me that.It's very useful. Just trust. Have Faith. Be strong." At this moment I truly saw what he was talking about and it made me smile because having trust in the Lord can make one's world go round. I trust that I can do anything as long as I put my mind to it... so in the end... "DON'T WORRY JUST TRUST!"

Is it the end of another one already?

So, basically there are three days left in this semester (including today), and I really can't believe it! This semester has seriously flown by... however, truthfully it makes me happy because even though there were several good times (i.e. my birthday, early field, and several other things) this has truly been one of the hardest semesters I've ever had. I have had at least one class that I started working on before the semester started, and will most likely be working on it until the very last moment. I'm afraid of failure in at least one class, but I think I can improve it next semester if I wish to. My parents moved/are still moving from Louisiana to Utah, and it is truly the weirdest thing in the world to know that home might just not be home for me any more! However, I learned a long time ago that as long as I am single and not married my home is where my parents are. My home state will always be Louisiana because that is where I was born & raised! Also, it was very hard this semester because it seemed like I was always fighting with someone who means tons to me! And now... I realize that no matter what happens in the end I will at least always be friends with him. It cheers my soul to know this. Well, I don't know what else to write at the moment... so CIAO CIAO!

Striving for Success...

So, as this semester comes to a close I have many projects to get done... each time I finish a great task I feel overwhelmed with joy. And the past two days I have gotten even happier even though I am still a little stressed. Yesterday, I came home from class and sitting on the table on top of some of my books was a letter from Toulouse, France! Oh how excited I was to hear from Jonathan! It truly made my day a success! Then, today when I got home I immediately checked my e-mail to see what was new... I saw that I had an e-mail and HALLELUJAH! I have been accepted for Fast Grad! It truly made my day better, and then about an hour ago I finished my Literature File that is due tomorrow! I have truly had loads of success! :D 1 more week, and lots more to do! I have so much due within the next week and it's crazy, but I'm way excited for it to all just end! :D I'm ready to go home to Louisiana for the last time and then just be with my family! Oh how I love them... I can't wait to see some of my old friends. I'm just overjoyed right now! I'm even excited to help my mom finish painting the house! I've truly been able to see these last fews weeks that even when hard times are upon us joy can be seen at the end of the tunnel. I'm truly grateful right now to have an amazing friend serving a mission in Toulouse! I love getting his letters... even if they are in French. It's amazing how much a mission can change someone! I hope that times just keep getting better... I still have loads to do, but at least it's almost finished and their is an end in sight, and I can definately graduate within the next year! I love this life!

songs that I've been thinking of...

Artist: Alana Grace
Song: Black Roses Red



Can I ask you a question please
Promise you won't laugh at me
Honestly I'm standing here
Afraid I'll be betrayed.
As twisted as it seems, I only fear love when it's in my dreams
So let the morning light come in and let the darkness fade away
Chorus:
Can you turn my black roses red?
Can you turn my black roses red?

Drowning in my loneliness
How long must I hold my breath
So much emptiness inside I could fill the deepest sea
I reach to the sky as the moon looks on
One last year has come and gonne
It's time to let your love rain down on me

Can you turn my black roses red? (x3)
Cuz
I'm feelin like I'll blame it on love (x6)

Can you turn my black roses red? (x3)
Cuz I'm feelin like I'll blame in on love
I'm feeling like I'll blame it on love (until fades)

Once Upon A December

Dancing bears, Painted wings, Things I almost remember, And a song someone sings Once upon a December. Someone holds me safe and warm. Horses prance through a silver storm. Figures dancing gracefully Across my memory... Someone holds me safe and warm. Horses prance through a silver storm. Figures dancing gracefully Across my memory... Far away, long ago, Glowing dim as an ember, Things my heart Used to know, Things it yearns to remember... And a song Someone sings Once upon a December

Artist: Brooks Garth Song: She's Every Woman Album: Fresh Horses

She's sun and rain, she's fire and ice
A little crazy but it's nice
And when she gets mad, you best leave her alone
'Cause she'll rage just like a river
Then she'll beg you to forgive her
She's every woman that I've ever known

She's so New York and then L.A.
And every town along the way
She's every place that I've never been
She's makin love on rainy nights
She's a stroll through Christmas lights
And she's everything I want to do again

It needs no explanation
'Cause it all makes perfect sense
For when it comes down to temptation
She's on both sides of the fence

No it needs no explanation
'Cause it all makes perfect sense
When it comes down to temptation
She's on both sides of the fence

She's anything but typical
She's so unpredictable
Oh but even at her worst it ain't that bad
She's as real as real can be
And she's every fantasy
Lord she's every lover that I've ever had
And she's every lover that I've never had

Memories that will help me with teaching

So as many may already know this I am an Elementary Education major. This semester I had the opportunity to go into the schools, and have my first experience teaching young children. I was able to see how each child learns differently, and also adapt my teaching style to their specific needs. It was the experience of a life time, and I hope to have many more just like it. Many that are in my class would agree with me on how sad it is to not be going back to teach them for the rest of the semester. It seemed as though to me that children always have a strong desire to learn, and I truly missed being that energetic. I wondered at times how they could do it... always be so happy and energetic, but yet still be wired at night. Having a niece and 3 nephews I have been able to see children in learning opportunities for a little while. There are times I wonder why I am going into teaching if I know I have to continue learning, and the fact being that I really do get tired of it for a while, but then I remember that I see that little spark in each child's eye... when they finally understand a concept, or when they know how to spell/write their name. It makes them feel so special inside, and it makes you feel special as well... knowing that you do not need to congratulate them because they are doing it all on their own. Yesterday, was my final day to teach some of these special students until a method class or my practicum next year, and I truly saw how it is important to cater to each child's needs. I have truly enjoyed learning how to teach, and I am so happy to be in this career. I know that all these aspects that I am now learning and will continue to learn can help me to be a better teacher, but also I can see how it can help me to become an even better mother to my future children. I love my career, and truly I love my life even though I can see that there will continue to be stumbling blocks throughout my life!

recent thoughts...

so, lately life has just kinda gone splat on me... I'm not really sure how to explain it. It's like I can't seem to get things straight in my head at the moment... or anything for that matter. I mean I'm not sure what to do about life... except to currently stay in school, and finish that up. It's sad that lately the only thing I can constantly think about without wanting to murder someone is school. Of course I can think about other things, but then some stuff makes me sad, or what not. It stinks when you think you like someone, but then you are so unsure on that even. I went and saw Maid of Honor today, and it was good and all but seriously... why do guys not see things sometimes until it's too late. I had a dream about one of my friends who tells me he is going to break up with his girlfriend, and I'm like why do I care. Then in this dream he tells me that he wants to date me, and all I could say to that was I'm sorry, but I can't. It just doesn't make sense. I've gone over it so many times in my head. I mean... why?! Why did this happen or why did that happen? It's seriously confusing, and then I got so mad at this one person for the longest time, and one day he e-mails me and asks me if I would write to him... I was so confused, but at the same time I thought to myself that maybe it is time to forgive him. So, I started to write him, and in some ways I've started to crush on him, but it just confuses me so because I'm trying so hard not to get hurt. I wish I could just fall asleep on the phone with Jonathan at times, but I can't because he right now is doing the greatest thing that he could ever do, and that is serving a mission for our Heavenly Father... I know I can keep in touch with him by writing him, and I dunno... maybe I'm just thinking about him a ton cause his birthday is coming up... Who knows... Oh My Gosh... I just realized something... Today as in 21 not the 22... was my Grandpa's 83 Birthday. It's still hard to believe that he died in March. My parents 30th Anniversary is on Monday. So much is going on this next week... sigh! I really don't know how to see life at the moment. I have so many thoughts at the current moment. I'm sick of so many things, and I just don't know where to begin... maybe I'll just crawl into my book and get away from it all... I need to type up summaries at some point for Children's Lit. Well, I guess that's all for now... I'm going to get lost in my favorite book! SUMMER OF MY GERMAN SOLDIER!

Burning out

I think I'm starting to realize how much I really do need to pace myself because I'm getting burned out! I am doing homework 42/7 either that, or I'm in class... yeah... it's killing me! I'm trying to survive, but it's so hard right now! AHH! HELP!!!!

Time for a change!

So, I got to thinking about how long my hair was, and well I decided I needed to cut it, but not only get it cut... change it! So, that's what I did! I got it cut & highlighted! I haven't tried out the curls yet, but I seem to like the straightness of it! ENJOY!

A week of understanding!

Well, to start off let me go over my past week. Last week was really hard for me to say the least. I had a huge break out with a friend, and wondered for a while if it could ever be possible to be friends again. All week long it hurt to even go to classes because I was constantly being reminded of good memories. I was however able to keep going in the realization that I would be headed to see my Dad over the weekend. So, this past weekend I went to Salt Lake City, Utah to see my dad, and I also got to see my friend, Ryan Muse. It was truly a blast. My dad had to work Saturday and Sunday so... Saturday I decided that instead of working on homework I would spend the day with my friend! :D It was the best decision ever! We went to this place called Eat-A-Burger that has the best fries in the world! Then, we went up the Wasatch Canyon... it was so beautiful. I loved every minute of that! :D Then, we went to Jamba Juice and then Toys-R-Us! We also played Smash Brothers Brawl! TEHE! I want to go back and do it some more! :D Hmm... anyway, over the past week I have realized how important it is to forgive someone. An old friend who is on his mission contacted me last week, and I was truly unsure of how to speak of him, but knowing that Forgiveness is possible then you need to do it! Yeah, so anyways, I'm gunna post pictures from this weekend!


P.S. Also, my sister's friend's brother passed away this weekend. for more details please go to the site http://www.helpfindjohn.info

My Meditation Process

So, I've been thinking about a ton of things lately, and it's kinda weird... I've got a lot of homework that I'm doing all day every day, and I really don't have time to play, but I've noticed that I can do my homework outside and still have time for meditation. I have found a new place (actually it's not new), but I decided to go up by the Rolling Hills Stake Center yesterday. I've been there several times before, but never just by myself. I brought my Children's Lit homework with me so, I could work on it for a while. I took a blanket, and laid down on the grass and read. I was able to go over so many things that have happened within the past year, and just meditate on them. I was so glad that I was finally able to find somewhere that I can just leave the rest of the world behind. See, as I've gotten older I've wanted time to myself more and more. I get so sick of sitting in my room, and getting bugged by my roommates knocking on my door and wanting to talk to me. It's not fun. I don't like being distracted from my homework. I've become different in a way, but honestly I'm loving every minute of it. I'm growing and becoming a new person. However, yesterday I was so happy that I could go up there all by myself and just sit and meditate for an hour. I was able to get away from the rest of the world which I desperately needed. It also helped in a way to think about what to say to my friend about certain things that have been going on. People these days aren't understanding how beautiful it is to just go on a walk, and meditate. I'm loving every bit of this new season because I can just go and do that! I'm not sure what else to say on those matters, but I'm loving being able to go out and meditate without anyone bothering me.

BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!!

Yesterday was my 21st birthday, and it was truly the best birthday I've ever had! :D See, I first woke up at 5am because I was born at 6am central time... so it works... anyways, I thought for like 2 seconds... I'm 21 and went back to sleep. At about 9am I finally got up when my oldest sister, Katie, called me to wish me a happy birthday! She asked if my brother and dad were there yet, and of course the answer was no... I hadn't even heard from them yet... anyways, after I got off the phone with her I ended up calling dad's phone, and John's... but no answer... I decided to call mom... she didn't even have her phone on... weird!!!! Anyways, about 10ish... after I got ready for the day (like took a shower and all that jazz) my other brother, David, called to wish me a happy birthday & to get my address... twas fun... I thought he was gunna get it to send me a card later... yeah... then John calls me and asks me to come outside and wave them down so they no which house is mine... well, I go outside expecting to see just my dad & brother, but no... I didn't just see them... I saw my mom too! IT WAS AWESOME!!!! I FREAKED!!!!! I did not expect to see my mom at all! I loved it! I got to spend my 21st birthday with my parents and my big brother! :D Mom took me shopping too which is always fun!... I'm not sure what else to type except that my whole family kept this a secret from me, and by goly... they are good! I LOVE MY FAM! :D Well, I gotta get gone!

First Experiences...

So, let's start off by saying that I am very grateful to my Father in Heaven for the experiences I am getting to have. Every Monday & Wednesday I have the opportunity to go and volunteer in a Kindergarten class at Central Elementary School in Sugar City, Idaho & it is truly a wonderful experience. My first day was Monday... I mostly just observed, but during their time of reading on Monday one girl wanted to sit on my lap while their teacher read to them. It was the cutest thing in the world. I loved it, and it made me feel extremely special! The students are truly amazing and quite smart. It's amazing to see how much one can learn in Kindergarten. I didn't expect what I am seeing. Truly kids these days are much smarter. Take my nephew for example yes, he is among the "more intelligent" of them, but it's still amazing how much he knows and remembers at his age. Well, going on... today, my partner and I had the opportunity to actually teach one of the centers. And it was quite a miracle to see the students work on their addition, or counting coins, and then when some of the students actually already knew how to play dominoes I was quite impressed. Keep in mind that these children are 5 & 6 years old... they are quite amazing! Anyway, my cooperating teacher had recess duty today so, my partner & I went outside to talk to her about what we are doing next week... GOING TO THE FIRE DEPARTMENT!!!! LOL! Any who... while at recess this one boy... let's say he's in about 2nd grade was chasing girls, and I thought to myself of how simple things were in those days for both boys and girls... you know the stage right before the girls and boys start getting coodies... lol... yeah, it was also very cute to see how accepting they are to each other... it seemed like no one was left out. I like that when no one is left out. I've had many friends tell me that when they were younger they were bullied, and I mean I'm sure it still goes on, but not like it used to... I've noticed that kids are much more accepting... I mean my first day in class and there was already a student who wanted to sit on my lap. I think they enjoy how willing we are to actually stoop down to their level! It's truly a miracle. I love this feeling I get when I am around those students.

Now, onto some more other things... I have been reading children's books for my Children's Lit class, and it's so much fun reading the things I read long ago. It's truly bringing me back to the days of childhood just like being in the Kindergarten class. I am remembering how I learned certain things. I am truly grateful to everything that is going on in my life. Even though I wake up early and by the time I get home from classes and studying in the library, or any building for hours on end I am just still wanting to do so much more, and I love it. I couldn't be happier... I mean... I could, but that's just out of my hands right now... lol. However, there are things I can control, and one of those is grades, and the work I do to get those grades.

I also look forward to the end of each week because I am able to talk to one of my best friends... sometimes he doesn't feel like talking, but that too is okay. :) But at the end of this week it's going to be insane... I have a friend that I met my first semester of college getting married, and Kevin & I are going down to the reception on Friday night... oh boy! I'm not excited about the fact that I will have loads of homework to do, but maybe I can get a lot of that done before I leave! :D And then... my Birthday is on the 10th!!!!! I'm really excited... I'll be 21!!!! YAY!!!! I can't wait to be 21!!!! I don't know why... not like it's any different from other ages... I guess I just want to be as old as my friends... haha! Well, I guess I've said enough... I've got a book to read!!!! GO CHILDREN'S BOOKS!!!!! :)

Long Roads to Take

Well, today I had my first full day of classes. Let's just say... I'm pooped & I've barely even started. It probably doesn't help matters any that I'm sick! I am not going to drop any classes... I'm gunna push through until the end... which I hope will prove to be an awesome decision! I thought about dropping my religion class, but they may actually be one of the few things that keeps me sane this semester since I can't be in in band. So... I will be teaching Kindergarten this semester. I'm excited! My Mama Jane back home in LA teaches that so, maybe I'll ask her for a few tips! ;) Also, my religion teacher seems pretty cool, and I just have the normal amount for that class which I am used to! :D And then there are only 9 people in my math class so, as long as I work hard outside the class I should be fine! :D Tomorrow I go to my Children's Lit class... that should be enjoyable. I need to find some perfect time when I'm not exhausted to study for my World Civ class... Today I was gone all day long from 8:30- 3:30... I really feel exhausted right now cause I've been up since 6am! What fun! So, it was kinda fun today... after my Early Field class I called Brian just to see how he's been doing, and plus he left for Seattle today :D! Anyways, I didn't get answer which is cool so, I left a message... he called me back like right after I put my phone back on silent... so I texted him and told him I'd call him when I got out of class at 3... I did & I swear our phones hated each other. It was quite funny! I'm really hoping I can survive this semester of course I learned something interesting today in my Old Testament class... my teacher said that's it's not about the grades it's how you get those grades... I mean we can try all we want to achieve all this stuff, but if we don't do it through Christ then, what's the point?! Yeah, so basically I'm thinking if I say my prayers every night and every morning... I can get through every day! I should be spiritually uplifted! :D I think in the end... as long as I work hard this semester will pay off! After all... it's a puzzle and I need to learn how to organize the pieces! :D 1 day down 87 to go! BRING IT ON! plus... my birthday is in... 18 days! I'm excited... I'll be 21! YAY! Well, ttfn!

The start of a new semester!

So, it begins... today I am going back to Rexburg to start a brand new semester at BYU-Idaho... I am going to be taking 18 credits and studying hard. I've wondered how I was to do it until I talked to a good friend. He said to treat it like a puzzle... you examine each piece and then put them into categories. I'm really going to use his advice because this last semester he got strait A's... I'm hoping to do extremely well. After all I am retaking a class so I won't have to ever do it again, and I'm taking an online class which is going to be hard work in and of itself. I'll also be studying math nearly ever day... I think one of the things that will truly help me is that I am finally realizing that what I learn I can help others to learn in the future. Every thing I am taught is an advantage for me to become a better teacher. I've always in many ways just wanted to help others learn, and if it means that in the process to learn how to do that I have to work extremely hard then that is what I will do. I am absolutely excited to begin this semester because it is the last of only a few left! The beginning of the end: I'm going to apply for fast grad this summer so, that I can graduate within the next year. I have this semester then fall, winter, summer, and student teaching the next fall! It is truly going to be an enjoyable time. I know that I am to have fun as well as work hard, but I am just excited to be able to have the opportunity soon to go out and teach others what I have learned. This semester I'm really excited to be able to go to the school at least twice a week, and teach students, or help them learn a new concept! I truly cannot wait! It is going to be one of the best times I've ever had. I keep remembering how it felt when I worked at Sylvan and had the opportunity to help a child... it was truly amazing to see the gleam in their eye! I cannot wait to teach a whole room full of students and be able to every day get that opportunity. This semester also means the beginning of getting ready to take tests. This fall is going to be the first time I'll have to take the Praxis... so, I need to learn how to study better, and retain knowledge even more than I already have! I love what I am going into, and I think realizing that was the first step to knowing that I truly will prosper in life. I'm ready to take on the challenges of life whatever they may be. We all have stumbling blocks, but that's what makes this life that much more worth it in the end.

The feeling you get...

So, I'm not gunna go into details of what happened when we talked, but it was truly amazing. I realized many things as I was talking. And what it all comes down to is this... in a little over a week I will be starting Summer Semester here at BYU-Idaho. I have about a year and a half left of college and then I'm done and off to where ever the world takes me. Exciting eh?! Well, I am also taking 18 credits this summer which means... I get to study hard... not hardly study! Although my friend told me to "have fun & go out." Of course I will try to do this when I am not so busy with classes. Plus, my birthday is this summer... YAY! 21... AWESOMENESS TO THE CORE! And the fact that my friend Kevin Elkins will be coming every once in a while to hang out... well, that should be fun in a bottle. The truth is I am going to miss the times I have had with him (the guy I've been talking about). He will be in Seattle making money. Maybe we'll talk every once in a blue moon... haha. Well, I'm not sure what else to say! I get to do the joy of cleaning today for white glove! :D

How do you tell someone...?

So, all day I pretty much talked to my cousin about some things. It's hard to be able to tell one of your best friends in the whole wide world that you can't really be their friend any more, but at the same time if it's what you need to do to help yourself then... it's probably for the best. People see that you are hurting, but no one truly knows the pain that creeps inside of you. The truth of everything is that you don't even know why you are in pain. Your heart is hurting, and you really are unsure as to why. I've had a crush on Kevin Elkins for about 2 years now, and now it seems like it's all changing for me... I don't really feel the way I once did. I guess I'm seeing everything in a new light now... I'm not really sure. I do know that in many ways I am falling for someone I shouldn't be and that's Brian. Brian Christensen has become an amazing friend to me, and I have been trying to fight my feelings for him, but it's so hard to do. Today I talked (texted) Edward (my cousin) about it a bit, and I learned several things. I was also talking to Jason Giles (Bonnie's husband), and I just don't know what I am going to do about all of this. I'm not in the mood to really talk to Brian, but at the same time I want to because truly I am going to miss him tons this summer. I feel like Brian sees nothing in me, and that I'll only ever be his friend... to me right now that hurts. I mean he's truly a sweet guy, but I just don't know any more why I have to be the one that suffers and likes him like this. It sucks a ton! I'm not sure where to go, and sometimes even who to turn to, but oh well. I'm not even sure what else to say right now except goodnight & here is a song that has been running through my head nonstop. Enjoy!

This might come as quite a shock,
But I've given it a lot of thought.
This thing that's come between us can't be ignored.
I've taken all I can;
This is where it's gotta end.
'Cause I can't be your friend anymore.

An' I can't be accused,
Of not bein' there for you.
How many nights have you shown up at my door?
I hope you understand,
That this wasn't in my plans,
But I can't be your friend anymore.

An' it's killin' me to know you,
Without havin' a chance to hold you.
An' all I wanna do is show you,
How I really feel inside.
You can run to me,
You can laugh at me,
Or you can walk right out that door.
But I can't be your friend anymore.

So, baby, now it's up to you:
Do I win or do I lose?
Will my heart fly or lie broken on the floor.
Well, take me as I am,
'Cause I wanna be your man.
But I can't be your friend anymore.

An' it's killin' me to know you,
Without havin' a chance to hold you.
An' all I wanna do is show you,
How I really feel inside.
You can run to me,
You can laugh at me,
Or you can walk right out that door.
But I can't be just friends anymore.

We can't be just friends anymore.

A long road ahead

It's going to be a long and bumpy road ahead for my family. Grandpa might not have been the kindest man that ever lived, but he truly was an amazing man. I loved him with everything I had. There is a song that my mom had me listen to that reminded her of him. It's called "The Greatest Man I Never Knew" -Reba
My Grandpa was never the type to express his love for all of us, but we knew he cared. He would go to the church and do Family History, but yet he never wanted anyone to know. It was a wonderful experience for me the day that Grandpa asked me what we believed. I recited to him some of the articles of faith. Those really do come in handy. haha. So, Grandpa truly was a wonderful man. One time he played train on the floor with his great grandson, my nephew. I loved every minute of that. Anyway, I'm going to put a picture of Grandma & Grandpa on here! :D

Grandpa dies...

Yesterday my grandfather passed away. It was a huge turning point in my life. I am saddened by this and may need some time.

Dreams

So, My big brother and I have been having a very in depth discussion about dreams & I've come to a very realistic realization. He told me that I should look up dreams in the bible dictionary & then in the french guide to the scriptures... so, I did. In the bible Dictionary it says... "Dreams: One of the means by which God communicates with men." Well, yes, God does communicate with men in that manner, but yet the question is... are all dreams from God? I would say no... The French guide to the scriptures says, " Une des manières utilisées par Dieu pour révéler sa volonté aux hommes. Néanmoins, tous les rêves ne sont pas des révélations. Les rêves inspirés sont le fruit de la foi." which translates to... : "One of the ways used by God to reveal His will to men. Nevertheless, all the dreams are not revelations. The dreams are inspired by the fruit of faith." Well, if you look up faith in the Bible Dictionary it gives several definitions... one that I like says, "Although faith is a gift, it must be cultured and sought after until it grows from a tiny seed to a great tree. The effects if true faith in Jesus Christ include 1)an actual knowledge that the course of life one is pursuing is acceptable to the LORD. 2) a reception of the blessings of the LORD that are available to man in this life; and 3) an assurance of personal salvation in the world to come. These things involve individual and personal testimony, guidance, revelation, and spiritual knowledge. Where there is true faith there are miracles, visions, dreams, healings, and all the gifts of God that He gives to His saints." I guess all in all what this comes down to is that I should have faith if I do happen to receive revelation in a dream, but yet I should also remember that some dreams are well, in the way my brother said it "your mind is playing tricks on you." I know exactly what he means by that because I've had dreams that when I wake up... I think to myself... WHAT IN THE FREAKING WORLD?! It's crazy to think about how your mind really can play tricks on you. Life can truly be amazing and not all at the same time, but what I've learned is that -- that is what makes it all worth it. I am truly thankful for different things in my life, but all in all I wish on certain things too... like I want certain things to happen... I think in many ways that would make me happier, but I guess we as humans always want something more than what we have. Yeah... I guess that's all...

life is crazy & busy as can be!

Oh my gosh! So much is going on and at times I think I may be going insane, but still I'm able to keep my head on straight! So much keeps happening and it's crazy insane... I can't believe that I'm about to go home & then come back here... and see Kevin & then start for school! I register next Monday and I already know what courses I want to take
Early Field 9-11am MWF from Sister Kay
Old Testament 12:45-1:45pm MWF Brother Hayes
Math 306 2-3pm MWF Sister Harris
2nd block American Heritage 3:15-4:20pm daily Brother Henrichsen
Children's Lit 11:30-1 _T_T Sister Hawkes
FA 100
World Civ Online... so basically... I'm going to be taking 18 credits and 7 classes... busy busy me! :D
Life is pretty crazy and fun all at the same time!
I guess that's all for now!

Haunting Dreams

Ok, so the past few nights I've had some dreams that seem just plain crazy. Sunday night I had a dream about my friend Jason Wolgamott & his new wife! I think it still blows my mind that he's married! I haven't talked to him since before the wedding. I hope he got the gift card I sent him and whatnot. It's crazy I feel like it's been forever since I talked to him. I miss him like crazy! Also, the fact that I couldn't go to his wedding just bums me out to the core. He's always been one of my greatest friends! Maybe I should just send him an e-mail and see how he's doing!
The dream I had last night was even crazier... I dreamt about Jonathan. He called me on my cell & asked for Stina's cell #... I was all confused, but of course I'd get it for him. I was just so delighted to hear his voice... it was like every time he called me right before his mission. I didn't think I'd miss him this much. It hurts in so many ways cause I gotta get on with my own life! I guess what's killing me is the fact of everything that's been going on just in the past week! I've been spending so much time with my other best guy friend (Brian). It's not that I don't mind... it's just deep down inside my heart I wish it was someone else... like Kevin. I really miss Kevin... loads, but I know things will be ok cause he'll be home in a month & 8 days! What a great guy he is... I really appreciate everything he's done for me. It's truly amazing! Anyways, I'm not sure what I'm saying... I think I should just de-guy my life... haha... that's impossible... I'm really looking forward to seeing my family soon. And after that like a week later Kev will be home & I'm absolutely ecstatic on seeing him! :D I guess that's all for now!

Life is crazy in a bottle!

So, you think that things are going perfect for you, but the whole world seems to get involved in your life at that moment. It's like the one second things start working the way I want them to everyone likes to interfere... those that I don't want to. I need to learn how to keep my life private, but it's like... you've gotta figure these things out. You spend a night with your best friend, and the next second it's like nothing ever happened. I really think of him as a really great guy... but see what I want most right now is Kevin. I like this guy, Kevin, like crazy mad... I've built up this infatuation with him for two years. What started off as just a crush has grown to so much more. It's like a fantasy story... it's all through a few phone calls before his mission & then letters all throughout his whole mission! It is truly amazing! He gets back in 1 month & 9 days. It is so close to him coming home it's crazy I really & truly can't wait to just see his face. At the same time though it's like I'm battling myself cause I'm afraid of the result of all that could happen... It's not that I don't want something amazing to happen... it's just that I'm afraid that it won't happen. Life is truly amazing... it's never really exactly how you want it to be, but I guess that is what makes it worth wild. I have to make decisions for myself & stick with those decisions... it's hard having a guy as a best friend. It's not that I don't appreciate him being there for me & whatnot... it's just that I really want my life with Kevin to be as a dream come true. Kevin is a really amazing guy... and I've known him longer, and ACKERS to the core! It's ok that things don't always work the way I want them to, but the drama is not needed... so, I guess what I need to do is put my foot down... it doesn't matter if I have the slightest bit of feelings for my best friend... what matters is that I am falling head over heels for a guy I've been writing for the past two years! It's truly amazing! YEAH... in the words of Forrest Gump - "That's all I have to say about that."

As mellow as can be!

Who knew that you could sit with someone for two hours feeling nothing but comforted. It was the most amazing feeling I've ever had! Here is what happened...
so, yesterday pretty much SUCKED! I woke up feeling like hell... I had cramps so bad I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry! I called my mom to ask her what to do because I've been sick & I didn't know if I should take Pamprin or Tylenol Sinus. She told me what I should do & then we talked for about and hour and a half. I then slept for about another hour or so, and then texted Kim. She came over & we went and got me a grilled cheese sandwich to eat! The only thing besides chocolate that I had to eat all day! LOL! Kim and I went shopping... but while we were in Wal-Mart I started to feel a bit queezy & I wanted to go home! She took me home & I went and took a shower, and then watched O.C. for about three hours! LOL! Word of advice... don't watch too much O.C. when you are already depressed... it doesn't help matters AT ALL! I ended up calling Jessica around 8 and asked her to come over so she did... When she got there I just cried! We had girl talk kinda sorta... then about 9:40ish Brian called me back... I asked him if I could talk to him... he replied, "sure, let me get a bite to eat & I'll be right over." I got on a sweater and some socks and shoes & got ready to go out to meet him. We brought Jessica back to her place and then he asked me "so, where do you want to go?" I replied, "somewhere." He said, "hmm.. ok, I know somewhere" We went up near the temple... turned left instead of right or straight, and then parked on the side of the road near a curve. I was just really sad and wanted to cry... he then asked me what was wrong... (side note: I wore my glasses all day which I never do any more. So, Brian knew something was very wrong.) He then said, "I'm in the mood for cuddling... how about you?" I said, "sure." we ended up hopping in the back seat cause you kinda can't cuddle in the front seat with something in the middle. LOL! I talked to him and cried, and he just held me. I loved every minute of it because it was just like being held by a best friend. No attraction what so ever!

Lunar Eclipse

So, tonight I watched the Lunar Eclipse with me best friend Brian! It was amazing! I loved it! I had so much fun with him, and it wasn't like this attraction either. It's amazing! I don't have to feel attracted to him to have an amazing time. We just sat there together and watched it & had loads of fun just talking. Then, we came back to my place and watched two videos of my nephews and then looked at pics of his nieces and nephews and basically whole family! It was one of the funnest times I've had with him in a long time! I thought it was totally cool. I can sit there and talk to him about Kevin too and feel totally fine! I LOVE IT! Oh, also today I got a letter from Jonathan... the first paragraph was in French so that's cooler. Anyway, I'm exhausted & my head feels like it's about to explode! CIAO CIAO

Finding closure to the past...

So, this past weekend was amazing... at first I thought it was gunna be a total dud, but it was so much better than I could have imagined! K, so it all began when I got an e-mail from Brian on Thursday night, however, I did not read it until Friday early in the morning cause I was headed to the temple! :D Which was amazing... anyways, the e-mail asked if he could come do his laundry here... I of course said sure... going on... Saturday came & he came over to do his laundry & he studied for a test over here as well. He then went to go take his test. While he was gone dad called & so me, him, and mom all talked and got my reservations to fly home in March! I'm way excited. I'll be gone from the 12th to the 28th... :D Anyway... after Brian got done with his test he came back changed out his laundry & then came up to me to ask a favor... so... I ended up finishing his laundry for him while he went snow boarding. At first I thought... this sucks... what a lame thing-- he gets to have fun while I finish stretching his pants, but he made it up to me later. K, so when he got back from snowboarding he and I ended up talking for quite a while... it was fun... I got to thinking that night "uh oh... what if I start to like him again..." well, the next day I went to church. When I got home I was kinda exhausted, and saddened cause I wanted to chat with Brian... I texted him and asked him what he was up to soon... it go to where I asked him to come over... so, he did. We watched Aviator & then talked for about 2 hours... As I was sitting there talking to him about Kevin I realized that I don't like Brian any more... not in that way! I was soo happy and soo relieved! I figured out that I really truly do like Kevin. Monday was President's Day so, all my friends didn't have class... me, Jordon, Sunshine, Angie, and Brian all went to IF to see JUMPER... it was awesome... on the way down Brian was poking me like crazy, and I was like WTF? LOL! On the way back I was way tired and exhausted so I layed my head on Brian's shoulder... he then put his head on top of mine and said "I'm putting my head on top of yours, but it doesn't mean anything." to which I replied, "I don't care, I don't like you, I like Kevin." He responded, "Good." I was soo happy... we were able to spend a whole weekend together and not even get mad at each other once! I love it! Yeah, so anyways... I'm happy & tired! LOL!

Dedication tomorrow!

OH MY GOSH! I'm so excited... the dedication of the Rexburg temple is tomorrow! How cool! Hmm... this past week has been crazy! Mardi Gras was over course on Tuesday, and that was absolutely brilliant! I had a fun party and everything! I never realize how many friends I have until those very moments! Anyways, the next day Jonathan was going into the MTC... OH MY GOSH! I couldn't believe it that at that moment I would never speak to my best friend again! Truly, it hurt! Then he called me... he needed my address! I got to talk to him one last time. Maybe forever! It was the best ever! I am soo happy that I got to talk to him one last time! It was amazing! I think that may be the last time I talk to him forever... well, I'll write him for the next two years I guess that counts for something! It's amazing to think that it's been so long since I dated him, but yet my heart still truly has a spot for him.  I hope that things in the end will turn out ok...

And the drainage begins

So, as I begin my Mardi Gras party preparation I begin to become emotionally and physically drained! I have barely started to do anything, but I think it's the fact that I start building myself up for it! By the end of tomorrow I'm going to be flat on my back in the middle of the floor... ugh... I guess that's my life though! I've always been in a way a people person, but even now it's becoming that I'm not! I like some people and I enjoy spending time with my friends, but all in all I would love to just be alone with one person! My life is absolutely insane, and I dream that one day it can be calm! All in all I'm tired of the same old stuff... I like how I'm constantly changing and wanting to be alone. Hmm... I'm not sure of what else to say at this moment! I absolutely miss Jonathan! That's a weird feeling to have, but I guess it's something that I have to live with! I still miss KEV! 2 months and I'll see him! YAY!

A great leader is forever in my heart!

At 7pm on January 27, 2008 President Gordon B. Hinckley passed away. He was a great leader to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. He was one of my role models I loved the man deeply! He was a servant of my Heavenly Father, and I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to know him as Prophet of the Lord. He is now forever with his eternal companion. Sister Marjorie Pay Hinckley passed away April 6, 2004. She was a wonderful woman, and an example to the women of the church.

stolen from Amanda Elkins French on myspace

A- Age of first kiss: 15... almost 16 lol!
B- Band you are listening to right now: songs in my head.

C- 1st Crush: uh... Daniel Britt?!
D- Dad's name: Rick
E- Easiest person to talk to: hmm... my Father in Heaven
F- Favorite ice cream: BLUE BELL
G- Gummy worms or gummy bears?: Gummy bears
H- Hometown : Denham Springs, LA
I- Instruments: Trumpet

J- Junior high: Denham Springs Junior High
K- Kids: none right now but I hope in the future (agreeing with Amanda on this one!)
L- Longest train ride ever: uh... I've never actually been on a long train ride...

M- Mom's name: Leannah
N- Nicknames: Frankie, Franc, Frank, Francina, Francy, Frannie, Fran, Frank the Tank, and now Britney
O- One wish: not telling!
P- Phobia[s]: Spiders, & snakes
Q- Quote: "Each to each a looking glass effects the other that doth pass" - Charles Horton Cooley

R- Reason to smile: I am falling for an amazing guy!

S- Song you sang last: "She's Every Woman"

T- Time you woke up today:6:00 I wasn't feeling well

U- Unknown fact about me: I secretly love Louisiana when it's nice out & the crickets are chirping...
V- Virgin?: absolutely!

W- Worst habit: Not telling the guy I like how I feel about him. (I might just have to agree with Amanda on this one)

X- X-rays you've had: toe, and mouth
Y- Your least favorite person as of right now: hmm... no one!!!!!

Z-Zodiac sign: Taurus

ICEBURG, IDAHO SUCKS IN THE WINTER!!!!!

So, there have been several moments where I keep wondering as to why I am here in the frozen north... or rather TEH BURG!!!! I have no job, I miss my friend Kevin like crazy mad, and haven't gotten a letter in over two months... I think I may die! Kim seems to always be upset with something, or asking me why I don't talk! I don't think she realizes that I really don't talk as much as I used to unless I really have something to say. I went to the temple this morning (16th) for the open house... that part of my day was absolutely amazing! Then, coming home is kinda where my day started to take a down hill turn rapidly! I fell flat on my back, and boy did it hurt! Now, not only does my back and butt hurt, but it seems as though I ache all over! It's funny cause I'm writing this as if someone would read it, but yet... no one really knows about this blog! MEH! Yeah, so that went wrong... I ended up going back to sleep about 11:30? and that was rather nice until about 2 when Brian called and it woke me up... but then his phone died. I really am so confused about him, but not all at the same time & I absolutely hate it... I truly do feel safe around him, but in many ways... only because he's like a brother to me! Anyway... I guess I just put all this stuff into my head because I miss Kevin so much! I have no job right now... and every time I think about getting one... someone tells me I shouldn't work at that place... I really wish I could just some how get to Idaho Falls every day & work at Sylvan there! Chances are I'd get hired on the spot, but no... that's not possible... because I'm a freakin' idiot with no license and no car! I hate my life at this current moment... over all except for going to the temple and fasting with Brian, Jessica, and James... my day SUCKED LIKE HELL!!!!! I HATED IT! And now... I have to go to bed... so, I can wake up in the morning and organize all of my crap for stupid clean checks tomorrow night... I wish at times I could just curl up in a ball and die! I seriously at this moment just hate my life! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I haven't had this feeling in a while... I wonder why it's coming out now! Weirder.. anyways, I better get some sleep finally!
LATERS & GOODNIGHT