recent thoughts...

so, lately life has just kinda gone splat on me... I'm not really sure how to explain it. It's like I can't seem to get things straight in my head at the moment... or anything for that matter. I mean I'm not sure what to do about life... except to currently stay in school, and finish that up. It's sad that lately the only thing I can constantly think about without wanting to murder someone is school. Of course I can think about other things, but then some stuff makes me sad, or what not. It stinks when you think you like someone, but then you are so unsure on that even. I went and saw Maid of Honor today, and it was good and all but seriously... why do guys not see things sometimes until it's too late. I had a dream about one of my friends who tells me he is going to break up with his girlfriend, and I'm like why do I care. Then in this dream he tells me that he wants to date me, and all I could say to that was I'm sorry, but I can't. It just doesn't make sense. I've gone over it so many times in my head. I mean... why?! Why did this happen or why did that happen? It's seriously confusing, and then I got so mad at this one person for the longest time, and one day he e-mails me and asks me if I would write to him... I was so confused, but at the same time I thought to myself that maybe it is time to forgive him. So, I started to write him, and in some ways I've started to crush on him, but it just confuses me so because I'm trying so hard not to get hurt. I wish I could just fall asleep on the phone with Jonathan at times, but I can't because he right now is doing the greatest thing that he could ever do, and that is serving a mission for our Heavenly Father... I know I can keep in touch with him by writing him, and I dunno... maybe I'm just thinking about him a ton cause his birthday is coming up... Who knows... Oh My Gosh... I just realized something... Today as in 21 not the 22... was my Grandpa's 83 Birthday. It's still hard to believe that he died in March. My parents 30th Anniversary is on Monday. So much is going on this next week... sigh! I really don't know how to see life at the moment. I have so many thoughts at the current moment. I'm sick of so many things, and I just don't know where to begin... maybe I'll just crawl into my book and get away from it all... I need to type up summaries at some point for Children's Lit. Well, I guess that's all for now... I'm going to get lost in my favorite book! SUMMER OF MY GERMAN SOLDIER!