Long Roads to Take

Well, today I had my first full day of classes. Let's just say... I'm pooped & I've barely even started. It probably doesn't help matters any that I'm sick! I am not going to drop any classes... I'm gunna push through until the end... which I hope will prove to be an awesome decision! I thought about dropping my religion class, but they may actually be one of the few things that keeps me sane this semester since I can't be in in band. So... I will be teaching Kindergarten this semester. I'm excited! My Mama Jane back home in LA teaches that so, maybe I'll ask her for a few tips! ;) Also, my religion teacher seems pretty cool, and I just have the normal amount for that class which I am used to! :D And then there are only 9 people in my math class so, as long as I work hard outside the class I should be fine! :D Tomorrow I go to my Children's Lit class... that should be enjoyable. I need to find some perfect time when I'm not exhausted to study for my World Civ class... Today I was gone all day long from 8:30- 3:30... I really feel exhausted right now cause I've been up since 6am! What fun! So, it was kinda fun today... after my Early Field class I called Brian just to see how he's been doing, and plus he left for Seattle today :D! Anyways, I didn't get answer which is cool so, I left a message... he called me back like right after I put my phone back on silent... so I texted him and told him I'd call him when I got out of class at 3... I did & I swear our phones hated each other. It was quite funny! I'm really hoping I can survive this semester of course I learned something interesting today in my Old Testament class... my teacher said that's it's not about the grades it's how you get those grades... I mean we can try all we want to achieve all this stuff, but if we don't do it through Christ then, what's the point?! Yeah, so basically I'm thinking if I say my prayers every night and every morning... I can get through every day! I should be spiritually uplifted! :D I think in the end... as long as I work hard this semester will pay off! After all... it's a puzzle and I need to learn how to organize the pieces! :D 1 day down 87 to go! BRING IT ON! plus... my birthday is in... 18 days! I'm excited... I'll be 21! YAY! Well, ttfn!

The start of a new semester!

So, it begins... today I am going back to Rexburg to start a brand new semester at BYU-Idaho... I am going to be taking 18 credits and studying hard. I've wondered how I was to do it until I talked to a good friend. He said to treat it like a puzzle... you examine each piece and then put them into categories. I'm really going to use his advice because this last semester he got strait A's... I'm hoping to do extremely well. After all I am retaking a class so I won't have to ever do it again, and I'm taking an online class which is going to be hard work in and of itself. I'll also be studying math nearly ever day... I think one of the things that will truly help me is that I am finally realizing that what I learn I can help others to learn in the future. Every thing I am taught is an advantage for me to become a better teacher. I've always in many ways just wanted to help others learn, and if it means that in the process to learn how to do that I have to work extremely hard then that is what I will do. I am absolutely excited to begin this semester because it is the last of only a few left! The beginning of the end: I'm going to apply for fast grad this summer so, that I can graduate within the next year. I have this semester then fall, winter, summer, and student teaching the next fall! It is truly going to be an enjoyable time. I know that I am to have fun as well as work hard, but I am just excited to be able to have the opportunity soon to go out and teach others what I have learned. This semester I'm really excited to be able to go to the school at least twice a week, and teach students, or help them learn a new concept! I truly cannot wait! It is going to be one of the best times I've ever had. I keep remembering how it felt when I worked at Sylvan and had the opportunity to help a child... it was truly amazing to see the gleam in their eye! I cannot wait to teach a whole room full of students and be able to every day get that opportunity. This semester also means the beginning of getting ready to take tests. This fall is going to be the first time I'll have to take the Praxis... so, I need to learn how to study better, and retain knowledge even more than I already have! I love what I am going into, and I think realizing that was the first step to knowing that I truly will prosper in life. I'm ready to take on the challenges of life whatever they may be. We all have stumbling blocks, but that's what makes this life that much more worth it in the end.

The feeling you get...

So, I'm not gunna go into details of what happened when we talked, but it was truly amazing. I realized many things as I was talking. And what it all comes down to is this... in a little over a week I will be starting Summer Semester here at BYU-Idaho. I have about a year and a half left of college and then I'm done and off to where ever the world takes me. Exciting eh?! Well, I am also taking 18 credits this summer which means... I get to study hard... not hardly study! Although my friend told me to "have fun & go out." Of course I will try to do this when I am not so busy with classes. Plus, my birthday is this summer... YAY! 21... AWESOMENESS TO THE CORE! And the fact that my friend Kevin Elkins will be coming every once in a while to hang out... well, that should be fun in a bottle. The truth is I am going to miss the times I have had with him (the guy I've been talking about). He will be in Seattle making money. Maybe we'll talk every once in a blue moon... haha. Well, I'm not sure what else to say! I get to do the joy of cleaning today for white glove! :D

How do you tell someone...?

So, all day I pretty much talked to my cousin about some things. It's hard to be able to tell one of your best friends in the whole wide world that you can't really be their friend any more, but at the same time if it's what you need to do to help yourself then... it's probably for the best. People see that you are hurting, but no one truly knows the pain that creeps inside of you. The truth of everything is that you don't even know why you are in pain. Your heart is hurting, and you really are unsure as to why. I've had a crush on Kevin Elkins for about 2 years now, and now it seems like it's all changing for me... I don't really feel the way I once did. I guess I'm seeing everything in a new light now... I'm not really sure. I do know that in many ways I am falling for someone I shouldn't be and that's Brian. Brian Christensen has become an amazing friend to me, and I have been trying to fight my feelings for him, but it's so hard to do. Today I talked (texted) Edward (my cousin) about it a bit, and I learned several things. I was also talking to Jason Giles (Bonnie's husband), and I just don't know what I am going to do about all of this. I'm not in the mood to really talk to Brian, but at the same time I want to because truly I am going to miss him tons this summer. I feel like Brian sees nothing in me, and that I'll only ever be his friend... to me right now that hurts. I mean he's truly a sweet guy, but I just don't know any more why I have to be the one that suffers and likes him like this. It sucks a ton! I'm not sure where to go, and sometimes even who to turn to, but oh well. I'm not even sure what else to say right now except goodnight & here is a song that has been running through my head nonstop. Enjoy!

This might come as quite a shock,
But I've given it a lot of thought.
This thing that's come between us can't be ignored.
I've taken all I can;
This is where it's gotta end.
'Cause I can't be your friend anymore.

An' I can't be accused,
Of not bein' there for you.
How many nights have you shown up at my door?
I hope you understand,
That this wasn't in my plans,
But I can't be your friend anymore.

An' it's killin' me to know you,
Without havin' a chance to hold you.
An' all I wanna do is show you,
How I really feel inside.
You can run to me,
You can laugh at me,
Or you can walk right out that door.
But I can't be your friend anymore.

So, baby, now it's up to you:
Do I win or do I lose?
Will my heart fly or lie broken on the floor.
Well, take me as I am,
'Cause I wanna be your man.
But I can't be your friend anymore.

An' it's killin' me to know you,
Without havin' a chance to hold you.
An' all I wanna do is show you,
How I really feel inside.
You can run to me,
You can laugh at me,
Or you can walk right out that door.
But I can't be just friends anymore.

We can't be just friends anymore.

A long road ahead

It's going to be a long and bumpy road ahead for my family. Grandpa might not have been the kindest man that ever lived, but he truly was an amazing man. I loved him with everything I had. There is a song that my mom had me listen to that reminded her of him. It's called "The Greatest Man I Never Knew" -Reba
My Grandpa was never the type to express his love for all of us, but we knew he cared. He would go to the church and do Family History, but yet he never wanted anyone to know. It was a wonderful experience for me the day that Grandpa asked me what we believed. I recited to him some of the articles of faith. Those really do come in handy. haha. So, Grandpa truly was a wonderful man. One time he played train on the floor with his great grandson, my nephew. I loved every minute of that. Anyway, I'm going to put a picture of Grandma & Grandpa on here! :D