My Faith in God makes me who I am

I see many posts with people talking about why they left a church or why they have changed their beliefs, but not a ton on why someone stays. I've often asked myself "do I still believe? Or what makes me stay in this religion?" My reasoning becomes more true to me every single day. I have had many days throughout my life where I just did not feel well. I wondered through each of those times if God was really there. My answer every time has been yes. A loud resounding yes. 

Five years ago this thought crossed my mind as I was laying in a hospital bed trying to figure out what was wrong with me, and why when I was about to get married was I so sick? But then the most amazing thing happened to me. That hospital room became my safe haven. I will never forget the spirit I felt there. The spirit of things will be okay. That I would live to see another day. That even though life from that point forward wouldn't be easy it would definitely be worth it. I remember a week later going to the temple with Jordan and making our covenants together that our love would be eternal. It was much the same feeling and the same spirit from the hospital. 

Fast forward to March 2021. I suddenly discovered that the battery of my sub-q icd had depleted very quickly and I would need surgery to get it replaced. While in surgery I aspersated and had to be intubated. Waking up to that was definitely not fun, but afterwards I was extubated and Jordan was able to give me a blessing and in it one of the most remarkable things happened. God spoke to me. He told me how scared he had been when I aspersated and that it was not my time to leave this earth. He told me how grateful He was for doctors and nurses who acted fast to keep me alive, and in that moment again I leaned just how much My Heavenly Father cares for me. That I have chosen a path and will continue to choose a path leading to Him.

Now, with that being said I need to say this. I will never judge you for your decisions. I will never tell you how to live your life. None of this is my job, and I hope you will never tell me that I am wrong for my beliefs. Because this is something that is a core belief for me. It is my truth. 

Living with heart disease could have led me onto two different paths. The one I chose has helped me through some really dark days and nights. I chose this path because it leads me to a light that fills me with remarkable joy. This is my journey and I am forever grateful for it. 

Five years ago today I left the hospital with a new diagnosis and have lived every day the way that I believe it's good for me.