I don't like to talk about my problems and put them out there for the whole world to know about, but this past year was a true growing experience for me. At the beginning of 2011 I wanted nothing more than to just crawl in a hole and never come out. I began to distance myself from several of my friends, and just really wanted to be left alone. I could see myself becoming extremely depressed, but didn't care at the time. Why? Because I was beginning to lose two people I felt were amazing friends because of one circumstance. I take responsibility for my faults in the entire matter, but looking back I don't regret the decisions I made. Things began to turn around for me when I first went to Colorado back in May... things had begun escalating to the point where I just couldn't handle it any more. I decided to just help my grandmother and just be away from the drama that was going on in my life at that point. When I came back to Utah I had made a decision and that decision was to be social where I was. This was different this time because usually I would have no problem making friends and being social, but due to the fact that I was now afraid of betraying or hurting people I wanted to be an introvert so as to not harm anyone else. What I didn't realize is that I was hurting myself more. One day my brother was about to go out with some friends, and says... "can my sister come too?" I will never forget that kind act my brother showed me because I have been able to become friends with some of the most amazing people I have ever met. The best part of it is that they aren't perfect, and they know that, but they live day in and day out striving to become better. Soon, I decided I needed to go back to the Singles Ward. As I started going to activities a smile came back to my face. I met even more amazing people that I am proud to call my friends. I realize now that closing yourself off from the world is never the answer. I may have lost a couple of friends that I thought I could always turn to, but in return I reconnected with some and met so many more new friends! I can even talk about this even though it still hurts with all those many trials that happen.
Now, all of this being said... to those two friends I feel like I have lost: if you ever decide you would like to be friends again I will accept it with open arms. Why? Because I want to live my life as Christ lived His.
Next, to those few friends I have been able to reconnect with in the past year... thank you for always being so amazing. Thank you for one day just texting me out of the blue to ask how I was and if I wanted to hang out. Thank you for calling me on weekends to make me laugh or smile.
Finally, to all of you that I have met since I moved down to Bountiful. You are some of the best people I have ever met. Despite all the trials you have been through in life, and despite that which you may still be dealing with I thank you for being kind and allowing me to become me again. You have made a true smile return to my face and to where I enjoy life all the much more.
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