Mystery of a gallbladder/ what they don't tell you will happen before and after surgery

SO I've been considering writing this blog all week long since I got my gallbladder out, and I've mostly been way too drugged to even truly care about much of anything. To be honest I've gotten love from many many people, but (and I know this next part is selfish) not from some of the people I really wish would text and ask how I'm doing. You know, those few friends you wish were there for you, or said they would be. Another confession about this post: I wanted to wait until I could fully forgive myself and others for what may or may not have been said during this entire process. Also, even though I'm starting this post today (5/2/15) there is in now way I'll finish it.

It is now the evening of (5/6/15) and I am nowhere near finishing this blog. Here's something I've learned though... narcotics they give you for pain should never ever be used in every day life! Here's a little trip of my past week...
I was drugged all last Tuesday & Wednesday. I was given at least one percocet every four hours for pain. My sister ended up sleeping with me all night when we finally switched me down to two at night. Why did she stay with me? Because I quite literally would forget where I was. I would cry because I couldn't remember simply that I am safe in bed. We then decided my phone would go into a drawer at night, and reduced me to one percocet until they were all gone (which the last one was Monday). I would honestly as my family put it freak out like a five year old not knowing where her parents were.

That's one of the biggest things people don't tell you after a major surgery. You will go insane. I really can't remember everything I said and/or did over the past week. My memory is scarred with entire Black moments. It's quite possibly the scariest moment. Something else you're not told... people will get mad at you, and you won't really understand why because you've been drugged.

(5/7/15)
Now, let me have a grateful moment for a second... I have received more love than I ever dreamed possible, and not from the ones I expected. For example, yesterday I was having a pretty crappy day and I got a phone call while asleep from someone who is truly becoming a closer friend and is a great mentor to me. I messaged her this morning in my partially awake state, and thanked her because it was quite possibly one of the nicest things.
I also was able to talk things out with someone I never thought of as a friend before, and it really really helped.
People who have had their gallbladder out don't often talk about the truth of how difficult it is to now figure out what you can or can't eat. It's honestly a daily experiment on how your body will react. The best part... EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT!  I've had friends say they had no troubles with food, and others say I can't eat greasy or spicy foods. Well, pretty sure I'm still going to eat spicy food. Greasy... well, I've always struggled with certain greasy foods, and honestly I'm not a HUGE fan of most of them.
Something personally I'm trying to get used to though is loads of veggies. Before I had my gallbladder removed I honestly could not eat tons of vegetables, and this killed me. Why because I love veggies! I've been known to eat an entire bag of baby carrots on my own, or snack on broccoli and cauliflower. Before my gallbladder came out that was truly hard to do. And I know it sounds insane, but I've been terrified to even try a carrot.
  Another joyous thing they won't tell you... for about the first month after surgery you cannot "run like the wind bulls eye" and you get tired extremely fast! Like your body just fades... it's hard to explain, but it's kinda like this: you wake up, you go to the restroom, you walk downstairs and all of a sudden your entire body just feels like you just ran a marathon, but all you did was go downstairs.

Truth is you have to really listen to your own body, but push yourself as well. And just stay focused on what you want in life.
Something they do tell you, but it's possibly one of the hardest things to face... YOU CANNOT LIFT ANYTHING...  NOT EVEN A CHILD FOR AT LEAST A MONTH! Why? Oh, because your dissolveable stitches will burst open causing you to bleed and possibly die... yeah, talk about buzz kill! At least my nephew is awesome and holds my hand.

I could take you through the journey of how I don't remember how I got home from the hospital or how I distinctly remember that I was in the tardis cause of the round things, but I'll spare you all of that. I also remember however, thinking that the nurse lady was very kind, and that someone said something about how if I had been pregnant it would have been an immaculate conception. Basicall,  there's like a million things I could say in this blog, but I'll just end with this last thing and then share some pictures:
You will feel like no one cares, but you will also understand that every single person that you know is praying for you to have a pretty dang fast recovery! People show their love for you in different ways, and no one knows exactly what you're going through. However, you also can't expect them to drop their entire world for you. I love you all and I am grateful for the love each of you has shared with me.


The following pictures do not explain all the love I received or how I truly felt....

You may not want to see this next one and that's okay... You can end here. This is my gallbladder in the bottom right picture they cut it open. The diamond thing you see is a cholesterol crystal... this was in my gallbladder and is what was causing me pain. 

What does the atonement truly mean?

I was looking up what the atonement meant in the dictionary and I kinda didn't like what I found. But you're in luck! I also looked in up in the Bible Dictionary and here is what it says, "The word describes the setting 'at one' of those who have been estranged and denotes the reconciliation of man to God. Sin is the cause of the enstrangement, and therefore the purpose of atonement is to correct or overcome the consequences of sin."
There is more to it than just what I wrote and if you'd like to you can read it by going to www.lds.org amd reading int the bible dictionary under the scriptures. :)
Now, for me when I was super little I always thought that the Atonement of Jesus Christ was only for those that have sinned. But then one day I really began to listen to the Third Article of Faith "We believe that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the gospel." Wait, so we're saved? Why do we need saving though? What did we do? Well, if you remember correctly in the beginning there was Adam and Eve. Eve took of the fruit after the serpent beguiled her, and Adam took of the fruit so that man could come to earth. 2 Nephi 2:25 "Adam Fell that men might be, and men are that they might have joy" OR The Second Article of Faith "We believe that men will be punished for their own sins and not for Adam's transgression." So, the Savior saved us from what happened with Adam, and he is saving us from our own faults and imperfections? WHOA! That's pretty mind blowing! But wait, what if we mostly strive to live a good life? What about us? What about the pains and the afflictions the human body naturally gets? YES, HE SUFFERED FOR THOSE TWO! I know it's hard to imagine, but let me take you on a journey of how I have begun to learn this.

When I was thirteen years old I was sitting at a fireside where our patriarch (a man who can help to give divine direction for your entire life from the Lord) was speaking about how incredibly important it is to get a patriarchal blessing in our church, and that if you felt ready there is no reason you shouldn't get it... Well, the spirit spoke to me at that time and said, "Frances, you need to do this." I immediately told my dad, and afterwards we went up to Patriarch Merrill Blalock who told me to talk to my bishop and we could set up the appointment! Well, My oldest nephew was born on the eighth of February and I received my patriarchal blessing on February 13th... I had no idea what all of it meant 100% back then, but I did know that if I lived the way I should each thing in there would be meant for me. Well, in it there was something about me coming to truly know what the atonement meant for me. I HAD NO IDEA what that meant! Did it mean I would have to go through loads of sin? A loss of a loved one? A loss of a child? Me developing a crippling illness? What did it mean? Well, as I've gotten older I've realized it is possible it meant all of those and none of them at the same time. See, I have suffered from depression for a long time. And one day while sitting in my room just devastated at the loss of my grandmother, and crying my eyes out an overwhelming peace came over me. I stopped crying and said, "everything will be alright"... Well, a few months later I lost my other grandmother and an aunt. Talk about buzzkills... your heart just sometimes wants to tell people you do love them even when you are too depressed to say it. Then the beginning of October I lost my beloved Maria. I still cry over her because it's hard to just go on knowing that for now she's buried in the backyard. Well, here's something else I've learned... the LORD LOVES YOU, and that's why he gives us so many animals, plants, and just beauties in life. Well,in January I went to Colorado with my mom to see if we could begin to finalize things over there. I got sick at some point after we came back... And by sick I mean extremely depressed. I did nothing about this depression except feed it. I didn't want to talk to anyone, and I really didn't care what others thought about me. I got my butt up to go to improv every week, but truthfully inside I was dying... I ended up actually getting physically sick as well. Beginning of March I developed some major pains in my abdomen, but since I am a female I figured it probably had something to do with that time of the month... except those pains did not go away! I ended up telling my parents, and they took me to an instant care here in bountiful. There I discovered that my organs are normal and I didn't have appendicitis. If you are curious as to that entire story please go to the previous post about the medical mystery tour.
Now, here's something people may not know or be might be shocked about. When you are experiencing an illness where you have no clue what is wrong with you as much as you may try so hard to be happy and live joyously... there are days that is impossible! Going to church gets hard. Spending time with friends gets hard. Wanting to be around your own family also gets hard. Now, you may ask... "Frances, what does all this have to do with the atonement?" Well, my dear readers, it is when you are at your lowest point that he can lift you to an all new high! BUT HOW? Well, let me take you back in time again. This time let's go to the Garden of Gethsemane: now, imagine this there is this man with his followers (disciples), and he tells them to wait as he enters this garden alone. In that garden he prays, and He says, "Father, if thou be willing remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will but thine be done." Not my will but thine? WOW! THAT'S POWERFUL! Does that mean what I think it means? That Jesus Christ did not want/have to do it? Well, it was His mission in life. He was God's only begotten son. If He didn't do it none of us probably would have. He knew the hour was at hand. He told His brethren to rest. And He went into the Garden... COMPLETELY ALONE and bore EVERY SINGLE ache, pain, sin, depressive thought, loss, illness, and any bad thing we experience in this earthly state. So, does he know what it feels like to have the doctor's not know how to help you? YEP! Does he know what it feels like to think that no one cares about me? YEP! Does he really know what it feels like to lose someone? YEP! HE
EXPERIENCED EVERYTHING!
So, what does the atonement truly mean you ask? In my humble opinion it is the ultimate gift of love. It is LOVE! Love from an older brother, love from a friend, love from a father, love from a mother taking care of you, and most importantly love for yourself.

The knowledge I have gained on this subject and continue to gain helps me truly understand why a man of flesh and bone would do something so wonderfulfor EVERYONE ! My personal testimony of this grows every single day because I know He cares about me. I know He knows me. And if that takes me getting a billion blessings then I'm okay with that. My Father in Heaven wants what is best for me. I know My Redeemer Lives! And that without what He did I would not enjoy all the things that I do in this life. That is what the atonement means to me. And I would like to personally invite all of you to discover what it means to you.

My Family!

Because everyone needs the blessings that come from the temples.

Medical Mystery Tour

So, as many know for the past month and half I've been experiencing severe abdominal pain. There are days it hurts so bad that getting out of bed is a trip. I HATE IT! However, I am learning to love things overall with this. Well, here's how the journey has gone so far.

On the 14th of March I went to Urgent Care after finally realizing my pain wasn't going away. There they took a urine sample to make sure my appendix wasn't bursting. They also ran blood tests on my organs. All tests came back normal, and I went home to see if the pain would disappear... it didn't... The next week I went to the Doctor to see what he had to say about my issues. Since abdominal pain is nothing to disregard they began to see if my gallbladder was the problem... My doctor ordered an abdominal ultrasound. Well, since I'm such a lucky human with OBAMACARE I had to wait OVER a week for them to finally get everything straightened out for me to get the ultrasound... Yeah, so a whole week of battling insurance... that sucked... By the point I finally went in for my ultrasound it had been 4 weeks since the pain started.

 The ultrasound was painful. I'm not sure if any of you have ever had an ultrasound on any part of you (and you not being pregnant), but they HURT! I had one on my lower abdomen once and for those you have to drink TONS of water... Yeah, your bladder is full and you gotta pee so bad... HURTS! Well, this one was my upper abdomen... for you upper abdomen you have to fast for 8 hours, and whoa nelly it hurts even more! They are pressing on your ribs and kidneys and liver and gallbladder and spleen... yeah, I wanted to cry I was in so much pain, but luckily the girl doing it was very kind. Oh, the gooey stuff IT'S COLD!

 Well, the ultrasound was done and I now had to wait for the results... Well, lucky me when the doctor's office finally got the results the next week my doctor was out of town so I spoke with a nurse practitioner. She ran another urine test to make sure I wasn't getting a urinary tract infection, and more blood tests cause the urgent care never sent over those results they took more blood... Yep, so then it was another week or so of waiting... Yeah... then the Doctor finally ordered a HIDA scan. (I'm not sure if I'm at 6 or 7 weeks of this now...) Well, the HIDA scan was in the process of going through and it took me harassing the Doctor's office, referral service and insurance company to say, "YES, I NEED THIS!" I finally was able to go in and have that this last Tuesday the 14th! 

The HIDA SCAN: A HIDA scan, which stands for hepatobiliary iminodiacetic acid scan, creates pictures of your liver, gallbladder, biliary tract and small intestine. A HIDA scan can also be called cholescintigraphy, hepatobiliary scintigraphy or hepatobiliary scan. A HIDA scan is a type of imaging study called a nuclear medicine scan.

Yep, so they stuck a radioactive tracer in me and I waited 45 minutes for that to go through, and then a little over an hour of imaging took place... They put in this drug through my vein (placed it in my hand) and it scanned me for the next while... yeah, NOT FUN! When the pain started to increase it HURT SO BAD! I cried a couple of times cause it hurt. Well, then the test was done and the next step was to await the results... Yesterday, Friday, 17th I went into the Doctor to find out the ultimate truth on the results...

Yes, now here's the part you're ALL waiting for right? Well, I'm "normal". Yes, it's true my results again came back normal. Well, kinda... An extremely perfect gallbladder ejects bile at 35% or higher... Mine, 97%... WOW! Yes, so we asked the Doctor if it's possible that mine is overactive... YEP! It's also possible something else is wrong with me. He gave us the name of two surgeons, and decided it would be good to test my thyroid and h.pylori count. So, now they are now running blood tests on those, and I should have those results by Tuesday... I also made an appointment to see a surgeon on Wednesday of this next week. 

The thyroid gland, or simply the thyroid /ˈθaɪrɔɪd/, in vertebrate anatomy, is one of the largest endocrine glands and consists of two connected lobes. The thyroid gland is found in the neck, below the thyroid cartilage (which forms thelaryngeal prominence, or "Adam's apple"). The thyroid gland controls how quickly the body uses energy, makes proteins, and controls how sensitive the body is to other hormones. It participates in these processes by producing thyroid hormones, the principal ones being triiodothyronine (T₃) and thyroxine(sometimes referred to as tetraiodothyronine (T₄)). These hormones regulate the growth and rate of function of many other systems in the body. T₃ and T₄are synthesized from iodine and tyrosine. The thyroid also produces calcitonin, which plays a role in calcium homeostasis.

Helicobacter pylori (/ˌhɛlɪkɵˈbæktər paɪˈlɔəraɪ/), previously namedCampylobacter pylori, is a Gram-negative, microaerophilic bacterium found in the stomach, and may be present in other parts of the body, such as theeye.^[1][2][3] It was identified in 1982 by Australian scientists Barry Marshall andRobin Warren with further research led by British scientist Stewart Goodwin, who found that it was present in patients with chronic gastritis and gastric ulcers, conditions not previously believed to have a microbial cause. It is also linked to the development of duodenal ulcers and stomach cancer. However, over 80% of individuals infected with the bacterium are asymptomatic and it may play an important role in the natural stomach ecology.^[4]

 So, there you have it... my amazing medical journey... it is not fun, but I'm learning to make the most of it. I've redone my hair thanks to my stylist and have had so much awesome food! And a friend brought me flowers! YAY! 

My visiting teacher brought me flowers. This has just made me so incredibly happy!

You can kinda see it in my eyes how much pain I've been in, but I'm trying to smile and trudge through all of it.

My WHOLE family has been a huge ROCK during this enormous trial, and I'm not sure where I'd be without any one of them, and the incredible joys they bring to me!

A journey on finding out what's Important

     Over the past month or so I have been dealing with chronic pain in my abdomen. There are days there is very little pain at all, and other days that I feel as though I have a knife stabbing me from the front and slicing around to the back. It is by far the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life. Yeah, it is not fun. Now, if you don't truly know me I tend to mostly be a happy person who sometimes just has really bad days. Well, I'VE HAD REALLY BAD DAYS LATELY! These bad days that are super bad and have affected me in so many ways. I have friends thinking I'm constantly grumpy, or people telling me to cheer up, and it is quite possibly one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. I know some people may call me a wuss or tell me to get over it, or say the pain isn't that bad... However, truth of the entire thing is it really isn't fun to feel like your side has just had a knife stuck in it and the pain WON'T go away. I hate it. I've had pains before that have brought me to tears, but not near as much as this has. I've learned to mostly cope with the pain, but some days the pain is excruciating and I will be in tears ALL DAY LONG! The worst part is that I only know some of the things that cause it.

      For Example: When the pain first started I would have pizza and the pain was so bad I felt like I would die. I would either feel like I had to throw up or go to the bathroom or both. One night I had some frozen yogurt and the entire night I felt like I was going to throw  up and nothing ever came so... I was up an entire night.  

    Now, you can just imagine how this makes me feel when a friend really wants me to do something with them, but when I tell them how much I hurt they kinda lash out at me. I have been so sensitive about everything lately... like when I normally understand that someone isn't trying to hurt my feelings they could say something snarky and I would burst into tears. It really is super simple to make me cry right now. 

     My favorite thing though is that I do have one friend that contacted me one day and very sweetly asked me how I was feeling. He never asks how I am doing just how I am feeling. I love it cause it shows he really cares. He took me out about a week ago to get a keva and some great harvest bread because he knew other things were super hard for me to eat. This friend and I don't always see eye to eye on everything, but he's truly like a brother to me and I am ever so grateful to have him in my life. This person has shown to me the love that the Savior has for each of us. 

     All in all I've received crap from everyone, but it hurts me more when the person just turns their back on me thinking that I'm not going through enough, and sometimes can be in a room with tons of people and I really/truly feel like crying my eyes out. 

     Being told by one friend that I'm bringing down EVERYONE around me isn't fun, and the same day having a friend tell me that I'm SO GRUMPY... Basically I hate it. 

       My mindset on life has changed even more now than ever before. The other night I went to Olive Garden with a few of my female friends. The entire topic ended up being about boys THE WHOLE TIME! Basically, my mind is so focused on the pain I've been enduring that all I can think about is how much I want to enjoy my own life. I was thinking about my dreams and goals in life, and yet all anyone else talked about was boys. Yes, I love these ladies very deeply, but I guess being almost 28 and having something chronic happening to you causes one to feel differently about life. There are things in life that I truly want that at this point it no longer matters to me if I have a guy with me or not. It is time for me to take care of me. 

     Something else that has frustrated me is the EXPERTS ON FACEBOOK! If you are not a doctor I really don't care what it is you have to say. 

    Truly, I strive so much to be happy right now and just find something to smile about, but more often than not I feel like crying. I am praying to almighty God they figure out what is wrong with me soon. 

Lately I have been missing this guy and his wife more and more. I'm so glad his mom constantly checks to see how I am doing.

I don't know where I would be without my mother. Her and daddy have been there non-stop for me during this rough time.

Christ is my savior and my King and without him I would never be able to bare this burden.

I feel like this is appropriate because the more I endure this the more I understand what true love of another human being is. I LOVE YOU ALL!

Easter, Conference, and the whole shebang!

As many know Easter is my favorite holiday. For me it is a day that proves to us that without the sacrifice, and resurrection of Jesus Christ there would be no purpose to live life upon this earth. In the past I have had people argue with me of how Christmas is more important than Easter. But this is not true. If Christ had decided to not take upon the sins and heart break of the entire world. Then die and rise again so that each of us rise again. I love my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ with all my heart. Go to he lives.Mormon.org

 General Conference occurs twice a year and is an opportunity for each of us to listen to divine inspiration from God. Often I go into the time prior seeking out answers and whatnot. This time however, I took an entirely different approach and allowed myself to be extremely teachable. And I can honestly say I received divine revelation for myself throughout the entire conference. If you would like to read or listen to any of the talks of Conference please visit lds.org