A journey on finding out what's Important

     Over the past month or so I have been dealing with chronic pain in my abdomen. There are days there is very little pain at all, and other days that I feel as though I have a knife stabbing me from the front and slicing around to the back. It is by far the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life. Yeah, it is not fun. Now, if you don't truly know me I tend to mostly be a happy person who sometimes just has really bad days. Well, I'VE HAD REALLY BAD DAYS LATELY! These bad days that are super bad and have affected me in so many ways. I have friends thinking I'm constantly grumpy, or people telling me to cheer up, and it is quite possibly one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. I know some people may call me a wuss or tell me to get over it, or say the pain isn't that bad... However, truth of the entire thing is it really isn't fun to feel like your side has just had a knife stuck in it and the pain WON'T go away. I hate it. I've had pains before that have brought me to tears, but not near as much as this has. I've learned to mostly cope with the pain, but some days the pain is excruciating and I will be in tears ALL DAY LONG! The worst part is that I only know some of the things that cause it.

      For Example: When the pain first started I would have pizza and the pain was so bad I felt like I would die. I would either feel like I had to throw up or go to the bathroom or both. One night I had some frozen yogurt and the entire night I felt like I was going to throw  up and nothing ever came so... I was up an entire night.  

    Now, you can just imagine how this makes me feel when a friend really wants me to do something with them, but when I tell them how much I hurt they kinda lash out at me. I have been so sensitive about everything lately... like when I normally understand that someone isn't trying to hurt my feelings they could say something snarky and I would burst into tears. It really is super simple to make me cry right now. 

     My favorite thing though is that I do have one friend that contacted me one day and very sweetly asked me how I was feeling. He never asks how I am doing just how I am feeling. I love it cause it shows he really cares. He took me out about a week ago to get a keva and some great harvest bread because he knew other things were super hard for me to eat. This friend and I don't always see eye to eye on everything, but he's truly like a brother to me and I am ever so grateful to have him in my life. This person has shown to me the love that the Savior has for each of us. 

     All in all I've received crap from everyone, but it hurts me more when the person just turns their back on me thinking that I'm not going through enough, and sometimes can be in a room with tons of people and I really/truly feel like crying my eyes out. 

     Being told by one friend that I'm bringing down EVERYONE around me isn't fun, and the same day having a friend tell me that I'm SO GRUMPY... Basically I hate it. 

       My mindset on life has changed even more now than ever before. The other night I went to Olive Garden with a few of my female friends. The entire topic ended up being about boys THE WHOLE TIME! Basically, my mind is so focused on the pain I've been enduring that all I can think about is how much I want to enjoy my own life. I was thinking about my dreams and goals in life, and yet all anyone else talked about was boys. Yes, I love these ladies very deeply, but I guess being almost 28 and having something chronic happening to you causes one to feel differently about life. There are things in life that I truly want that at this point it no longer matters to me if I have a guy with me or not. It is time for me to take care of me. 

     Something else that has frustrated me is the EXPERTS ON FACEBOOK! If you are not a doctor I really don't care what it is you have to say. 

    Truly, I strive so much to be happy right now and just find something to smile about, but more often than not I feel like crying. I am praying to almighty God they figure out what is wrong with me soon. 

Lately I have been missing this guy and his wife more and more. I'm so glad his mom constantly checks to see how I am doing.

I don't know where I would be without my mother. Her and daddy have been there non-stop for me during this rough time.

Christ is my savior and my King and without him I would never be able to bare this burden.

I feel like this is appropriate because the more I endure this the more I understand what true love of another human being is. I LOVE YOU ALL!