A journey on finding out what's Important

     Over the past month or so I have been dealing with chronic pain in my abdomen. There are days there is very little pain at all, and other days that I feel as though I have a knife stabbing me from the front and slicing around to the back. It is by far the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life. Yeah, it is not fun. Now, if you don't truly know me I tend to mostly be a happy person who sometimes just has really bad days. Well, I'VE HAD REALLY BAD DAYS LATELY! These bad days that are super bad and have affected me in so many ways. I have friends thinking I'm constantly grumpy, or people telling me to cheer up, and it is quite possibly one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. I know some people may call me a wuss or tell me to get over it, or say the pain isn't that bad... However, truth of the entire thing is it really isn't fun to feel like your side has just had a knife stuck in it and the pain WON'T go away. I hate it. I've had pains before that have brought me to tears, but not near as much as this has. I've learned to mostly cope with the pain, but some days the pain is excruciating and I will be in tears ALL DAY LONG! The worst part is that I only know some of the things that cause it.

      For Example: When the pain first started I would have pizza and the pain was so bad I felt like I would die. I would either feel like I had to throw up or go to the bathroom or both. One night I had some frozen yogurt and the entire night I felt like I was going to throw  up and nothing ever came so... I was up an entire night.  

    Now, you can just imagine how this makes me feel when a friend really wants me to do something with them, but when I tell them how much I hurt they kinda lash out at me. I have been so sensitive about everything lately... like when I normally understand that someone isn't trying to hurt my feelings they could say something snarky and I would burst into tears. It really is super simple to make me cry right now. 

     My favorite thing though is that I do have one friend that contacted me one day and very sweetly asked me how I was feeling. He never asks how I am doing just how I am feeling. I love it cause it shows he really cares. He took me out about a week ago to get a keva and some great harvest bread because he knew other things were super hard for me to eat. This friend and I don't always see eye to eye on everything, but he's truly like a brother to me and I am ever so grateful to have him in my life. This person has shown to me the love that the Savior has for each of us. 

     All in all I've received crap from everyone, but it hurts me more when the person just turns their back on me thinking that I'm not going through enough, and sometimes can be in a room with tons of people and I really/truly feel like crying my eyes out. 

     Being told by one friend that I'm bringing down EVERYONE around me isn't fun, and the same day having a friend tell me that I'm SO GRUMPY... Basically I hate it. 

       My mindset on life has changed even more now than ever before. The other night I went to Olive Garden with a few of my female friends. The entire topic ended up being about boys THE WHOLE TIME! Basically, my mind is so focused on the pain I've been enduring that all I can think about is how much I want to enjoy my own life. I was thinking about my dreams and goals in life, and yet all anyone else talked about was boys. Yes, I love these ladies very deeply, but I guess being almost 28 and having something chronic happening to you causes one to feel differently about life. There are things in life that I truly want that at this point it no longer matters to me if I have a guy with me or not. It is time for me to take care of me. 

     Something else that has frustrated me is the EXPERTS ON FACEBOOK! If you are not a doctor I really don't care what it is you have to say. 

    Truly, I strive so much to be happy right now and just find something to smile about, but more often than not I feel like crying. I am praying to almighty God they figure out what is wrong with me soon. 

Lately I have been missing this guy and his wife more and more. I'm so glad his mom constantly checks to see how I am doing.

I don't know where I would be without my mother. Her and daddy have been there non-stop for me during this rough time.

Christ is my savior and my King and without him I would never be able to bare this burden.

I feel like this is appropriate because the more I endure this the more I understand what true love of another human being is. I LOVE YOU ALL!

Easter, Conference, and the whole shebang!

As many know Easter is my favorite holiday. For me it is a day that proves to us that without the sacrifice, and resurrection of Jesus Christ there would be no purpose to live life upon this earth. In the past I have had people argue with me of how Christmas is more important than Easter. But this is not true. If Christ had decided to not take upon the sins and heart break of the entire world. Then die and rise again so that each of us rise again. I love my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ with all my heart. Go to he lives.Mormon.org

 General Conference occurs twice a year and is an opportunity for each of us to listen to divine inspiration from God. Often I go into the time prior seeking out answers and whatnot. This time however, I took an entirely different approach and allowed myself to be extremely teachable. And I can honestly say I received divine revelation for myself throughout the entire conference. If you would like to read or listen to any of the talks of Conference please visit lds.org

Temple Cleansing Monday

If you aren't sure what happened on Monday of what we now call Easter week. Christ cleansed the temple.

Yes, Christ got angry and flipped over a table. What would you do if someone was desecrating your home?

Palm Sunday

Palm Sunday is the day in which Christ entered the city on a white ass, and they lined his path with Palms.

The Gospel of Jesus Christ is true, and I love it with all my heart.

You've Got a Friend In Me

If there is anything I've learned over the past few years it is the importance of friendship. There are moments in life when it comes clear that we have met someone for a very important purpose. At the first encounter we aren't always certain why we have met these people, but given time we can usually decipher certain reasons why. Recently I've been able to advise friends and while advising them I've found purpose in what I've said and how it can relate to myself. My last post I talked about how no man is a failure who has friends. I've learned not only within the last year, but especially in the last week how important friendship is. Because here's the thing... as you start to realize the importance of friendship and what it means to talk things out... life in general becomes extremely clear. You realize that everyone in your life is there for all the reasons. On New Year's Eve I spent time just chilling with friends. It was the most beautiful thing ever. Sometimes you need a friend to help you see the light. Speaking of light... have you ever experienced what happens when you realize how beautifully important you are in not only in someone else's life,  but just your own. It's a feeling of love and devotion to all that is around you. When you learn to love yourself loving others becomes a bit easier. You start to see the importance and beauty of life as you see yourself as you see others. There's that golden rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Or... "Love others as you love yourself." Loving yourself becomes magical when  you realize that you are the most important person in your life.  At first this could be a very scary moment, but then you realize how perfectly magical it is. Occasionally you are able to see yourself in a light you didn't know was possible. You are able at this point to look at yourself in the mirror and just love who you see.

So, "when the road looks rough ahead and your miles and miles from a nice warm bed just remember what your old pal said, bow you've got a friend in me."

I started this blog about a month ago, and I never finished it because I wasn't exactly sure how. I think I needed to see even more clearly why I have the close friends that I do. It isn't every day that you can meet people who you can connect with always. I love that about friendship.