Grandpa dies...

Yesterday my grandfather passed away. It was a huge turning point in my life. I am saddened by this and may need some time.

Dreams

So, My big brother and I have been having a very in depth discussion about dreams & I've come to a very realistic realization. He told me that I should look up dreams in the bible dictionary & then in the french guide to the scriptures... so, I did. In the bible Dictionary it says... "Dreams: One of the means by which God communicates with men." Well, yes, God does communicate with men in that manner, but yet the question is... are all dreams from God? I would say no... The French guide to the scriptures says, " Une des manières utilisées par Dieu pour révéler sa volonté aux hommes. Néanmoins, tous les rêves ne sont pas des révélations. Les rêves inspirés sont le fruit de la foi." which translates to... : "One of the ways used by God to reveal His will to men. Nevertheless, all the dreams are not revelations. The dreams are inspired by the fruit of faith." Well, if you look up faith in the Bible Dictionary it gives several definitions... one that I like says, "Although faith is a gift, it must be cultured and sought after until it grows from a tiny seed to a great tree. The effects if true faith in Jesus Christ include 1)an actual knowledge that the course of life one is pursuing is acceptable to the LORD. 2) a reception of the blessings of the LORD that are available to man in this life; and 3) an assurance of personal salvation in the world to come. These things involve individual and personal testimony, guidance, revelation, and spiritual knowledge. Where there is true faith there are miracles, visions, dreams, healings, and all the gifts of God that He gives to His saints." I guess all in all what this comes down to is that I should have faith if I do happen to receive revelation in a dream, but yet I should also remember that some dreams are well, in the way my brother said it "your mind is playing tricks on you." I know exactly what he means by that because I've had dreams that when I wake up... I think to myself... WHAT IN THE FREAKING WORLD?! It's crazy to think about how your mind really can play tricks on you. Life can truly be amazing and not all at the same time, but what I've learned is that -- that is what makes it all worth it. I am truly thankful for different things in my life, but all in all I wish on certain things too... like I want certain things to happen... I think in many ways that would make me happier, but I guess we as humans always want something more than what we have. Yeah... I guess that's all...

life is crazy & busy as can be!

Oh my gosh! So much is going on and at times I think I may be going insane, but still I'm able to keep my head on straight! So much keeps happening and it's crazy insane... I can't believe that I'm about to go home & then come back here... and see Kevin & then start for school! I register next Monday and I already know what courses I want to take
Early Field 9-11am MWF from Sister Kay
Old Testament 12:45-1:45pm MWF Brother Hayes
Math 306 2-3pm MWF Sister Harris
2nd block American Heritage 3:15-4:20pm daily Brother Henrichsen
Children's Lit 11:30-1 _T_T Sister Hawkes
FA 100
World Civ Online... so basically... I'm going to be taking 18 credits and 7 classes... busy busy me! :D
Life is pretty crazy and fun all at the same time!
I guess that's all for now!

Haunting Dreams

Ok, so the past few nights I've had some dreams that seem just plain crazy. Sunday night I had a dream about my friend Jason Wolgamott & his new wife! I think it still blows my mind that he's married! I haven't talked to him since before the wedding. I hope he got the gift card I sent him and whatnot. It's crazy I feel like it's been forever since I talked to him. I miss him like crazy! Also, the fact that I couldn't go to his wedding just bums me out to the core. He's always been one of my greatest friends! Maybe I should just send him an e-mail and see how he's doing!
The dream I had last night was even crazier... I dreamt about Jonathan. He called me on my cell & asked for Stina's cell #... I was all confused, but of course I'd get it for him. I was just so delighted to hear his voice... it was like every time he called me right before his mission. I didn't think I'd miss him this much. It hurts in so many ways cause I gotta get on with my own life! I guess what's killing me is the fact of everything that's been going on just in the past week! I've been spending so much time with my other best guy friend (Brian). It's not that I don't mind... it's just deep down inside my heart I wish it was someone else... like Kevin. I really miss Kevin... loads, but I know things will be ok cause he'll be home in a month & 8 days! What a great guy he is... I really appreciate everything he's done for me. It's truly amazing! Anyways, I'm not sure what I'm saying... I think I should just de-guy my life... haha... that's impossible... I'm really looking forward to seeing my family soon. And after that like a week later Kev will be home & I'm absolutely ecstatic on seeing him! :D I guess that's all for now!

Life is crazy in a bottle!

So, you think that things are going perfect for you, but the whole world seems to get involved in your life at that moment. It's like the one second things start working the way I want them to everyone likes to interfere... those that I don't want to. I need to learn how to keep my life private, but it's like... you've gotta figure these things out. You spend a night with your best friend, and the next second it's like nothing ever happened. I really think of him as a really great guy... but see what I want most right now is Kevin. I like this guy, Kevin, like crazy mad... I've built up this infatuation with him for two years. What started off as just a crush has grown to so much more. It's like a fantasy story... it's all through a few phone calls before his mission & then letters all throughout his whole mission! It is truly amazing! He gets back in 1 month & 9 days. It is so close to him coming home it's crazy I really & truly can't wait to just see his face. At the same time though it's like I'm battling myself cause I'm afraid of the result of all that could happen... It's not that I don't want something amazing to happen... it's just that I'm afraid that it won't happen. Life is truly amazing... it's never really exactly how you want it to be, but I guess that is what makes it worth wild. I have to make decisions for myself & stick with those decisions... it's hard having a guy as a best friend. It's not that I don't appreciate him being there for me & whatnot... it's just that I really want my life with Kevin to be as a dream come true. Kevin is a really amazing guy... and I've known him longer, and ACKERS to the core! It's ok that things don't always work the way I want them to, but the drama is not needed... so, I guess what I need to do is put my foot down... it doesn't matter if I have the slightest bit of feelings for my best friend... what matters is that I am falling head over heels for a guy I've been writing for the past two years! It's truly amazing! YEAH... in the words of Forrest Gump - "That's all I have to say about that."