Our Safety Net

When we found out last year about my heart condition, and as I've begun to learn more about it the more I've had to come to terms with something known as a Pacemaker. When we went to the doctor in January for my Echo cardiogram checkup we discovered that my heart was still not working as it should. My left ventricle is pumping at about 17%. A normal person's heart pumps between 40-60% I'm currently on medication to slow my heart beat cause my heart decides to over compensate for the pumping so it beats extremely fast. Well, since my heartbeat isn't normal and my heart isn't pumping right I now have to get what is called a Sub-Q ICD. This is a defibrillator that they out inside on the side of your rib cage under the breast tissue. The safety net is in case my heart decides at any moment that it doesn't want to work as it should, or if it decides to stop it will shock me and my heart will begin to pump properly. The pictures attached are where my device will be, and the actual definition of a pace maker.

I would show an image of what the scars will look like, but I feel like if you want to look that up you can find that information on your own. It is a tad disturbing.

The other part of having this surgery for me comes from the fact that I will have Parent Teacher Conferences the next week, and this means I won't have too much time off of work. I've considered maybe taking a day, but I really don't know how I will feel. All of this is super new to me, and also very scary! I'm glad I have Jordan to support me so very much, and this week was nice when I got to speak with my dad and sister, but I'm still scared to have this surgery and that's probably why I don't post about it very much, and unless you are family or I speak to you on a regular basis, or you work at my school you really have no clue of the seriousness of what I deal with.


When I look back on my life I wonder what I did to deserve this type of thing happen to me, and I often will ask myself "WHY ME?" And then my heart is softened by the fact that sometimes people have it a billions times harder, or to be thankful that I live in a day where they can perform a surgery and be kind about it, and they know now more what they are doing than ever before.

Over everything I feel blessed. Jordan is the sweetest and I'm eternally grateful for him and all that he does for me, and for our family (even if that family is just me and him).

I'll ask for your prayers as I approach this extremely scary journey!


Jordan got me this big picture for the wall!