Happiness vs. Sadness

  This is a post I've debated writing for months because it will be down to earth and genuine as I try to explain hardships I've had or feelings I get, and how people consistently say they understand when they truly don't. No one truly knows how damaged someone else might be. There are life experiences that each of us have that change us either for the good or the bad. Life is full of ups or downs. Happy moments and sad moments. Moments we want to remember forever, and moments we'd rather forget.

  First, I'd like to discuss a subject that is and will always be hard for me. This is the power of a friend. I have had my biggest fear come true, and it may shock people what my biggest fear is... That fear is losing a loved one, someone I care deeply about, not to death, but to life. Life takes all of us in different directions. It can strengthen us, or it can bring us through the depths of hell. From Day to day you may have both of these things happen to you. However, it is something so mundane that you may not realize that  through actions taken you can lose one of the closest people to you. In that moment when you finally realize you've lost that person your heart is forever changed. How you speak to others, how you wonder if someone is frustrated or annoyed with you. You begin to walk through life as if you may always offend someone else. You begin to apologize for something you don't need to, but instead of just saying you are sorry... You have a genuine heart felt apology because you feel in some way you have truly annoyed or disappointed this person. And most importantly when someone is just being kind to you-- you probably begin to take it as something it's not meant to be taken as. Such as, "do they pity me? Do they like me?" You over think and over analyze EVERYTHING! Your heart is always on guard because you feel like you might get hurt by someone in some way. It is truly the most horrifying thing anyone could ever experience.

  I know that things always happen for a reason, and for that I am very grateful. The realization that in every situation you can either choose to be happy or you may choose to be sad is one of the greatest realizations ever. I would like to say that even though my greatest fear has come true I still find amazingly happy moments every day. Staying positive is something I will always strive to do.

  In college I had this friend who was one of the greatest people I had ever met. Throughout time and distance and life happening we no longer speak. However, the memories are what keeps one going. The memories that he was an important part of my life, and maybe just maybe one day I'll meet someone that can change my life even more than he had.

  Sorry if most of this seems like ramblings. I get to writing things and then my thoughts just stop. May God Bless each and every one of you in your search for happiness.