As many know this past year has had its ups and downs for sure!
The end of December last year my Grandma Mayhoffer (Mom's step-mom) passed away. I always looked to her as a roll model. As this year has been a back and forth roller coaster to Colorado for me, I soon realized that my Dad's Sister would die of Breast Cancer. I must admit that this didn't come as much as a surprise for me, and over the past few months or since January I've learned how death is never the end. Well, as I have journeyed all over the west this year I must admit that I have really truly just wanted to be around immediate family or at "home" in Utah.
Yesterday, August 23, 2014 my Grandma Baron (Dad's mom) passed away. Now, I should just be devastated and heart broken by this like I was for my other Grandma, but I am not. Here is my rant as to why.
Honestly, I feel bad but I don't about what I am about to say. In 2005 I graduated from high school and about a month before mom got a phone call that Grandma Baron broke her foot, and would not be able to make it to my graduation. Now, I should be just totally fine with that, but I wasn't. Because she then used the voucher for that ticket to go somewhere else. Then, I went to college that fall at Brigham Young University-Idaho in Rexburg, Idaho. Which is about 30 minutes from Idaho Falls, Idaho where my grandmother lived. Well, it was okay for the most part, and I went to Idaho Falls maybe twice (I didn't have a car) and she came and visited me maybe once. Well, when I graduated from college I invited her to come see me walk since she couldn't come to my high school graduation. The excuse I got was that my uncle who was living with her was sick and couldn't drive her up. This was after my father had offered to go and get her! Yeah, I was pretty upset. However, the thing that topped the cake with a cherry for me was when I got endowed the following summer. I felt very strongly that I should go through the temple. I called my Grandmother who I felt was spiritually very strong and would understand. When I told her I had plans to go through the temple the first thing she asked me was "are you getting married?" I replied, "no." then I hear, "well, are you going on a mission?" I said, "no grandma. I feel very strongly I need to go through the temple." She then said, "well, that's very far and I don't think I'll make it." I will be 100% honest and say I was both heartbroken and livid. And then a couple years later she was able to come down for my brother's wedding. Yeah, this honestly broke my heart because it was at that point I realized how much I felt I didn't matter to my grandmother. I know it's absolutely awful of me to hold a grudge like this, and not be more forgiving. I loved my grandmother and it kinda sucks that she's gone, but in all reality I don't believe that death is the end. Because well, it isn't. I pray that she may be able to grow in the next life, and I pray that I may be able to forgive. I feel like forgiveness is key for our own salvation. It really doesn't help the others much... just helps ourselves.
Now, you might be wondering why I went on this rant and what Job might have to do with all of this. Well, I was reading the lesson for church Sunday School today, and there were just so many things that came to my mind. The lesson was on Job, and as you may know Job lost everything and was still 100% faithful to the Lord, and in turn the Lord gave him everything and then some back. Read Job! It's such an amazing book in the Bible! Also, it would benefit you to read Doctrine & Covenants 121. If you don't have that book just go here: D&C:121
Then, I came across a few quotes that just hit me like a ton of bricks!
Elder Wirthlin suggested: “Perhaps members of the Church could emulate the example
of these hardy, sturdy plants. We should send our roots deep into the soil of the
gospel. We should grow, flourish, flower, and bear good fruit in abundance despite the
evil, temptation, or criticism we might encounter. We should learn to thrive in the heat
of adversity”
Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin defined integrity as “always doing what is right and good,
regardless of the immediate consequences. It means being righteous from the very
depth of our soul, not only in our actions but, more important, in our thoughts and in
our hearts. Personal integrity implies such trustworthiness and incorruptibility that we
are incapable of being false to a trust or covenant”
Elder Orson F. Whitney said: “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is
wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience,
faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when
we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls,
and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of
God ... and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the
education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father
and Mother in heaven.
The Prophet Joseph Smith said: “I am like a huge, rough stone rolling down from a high
mountain; and the only polishing I get is when some corner gets rubbed off by coming
in contact with something else, ... knocking off a corner here and a corner there. Thus I
will become a smooth and polished shaft in the quiver of the Almighty”
So, moral of my rant and vent? Well, be thankful for all that you have. Forgive everyone. Love everyone. Because well... it's true... you aren't like Job, and he lost everything! So... you have no reason to complain.
You can, but truth be told in the end all it is would be complaining. :)
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