feelings...

So, I haven't really posted about how things are going, or how I'm feeling about things in a while. Mostly cause I have no clue how I'm feeling. I'm sick and tired of dealing with drama with a couple of friends, and being ignored by them and constantly feeling like my efforts are not worth it. I am however, grateful to those friends I do have that I know haven't abandoned me. (this includes my awesome family). Now, that being said I don't want people to think I'm all depressed about life. If this is my one challenge I will have to face for a bit I will be okay with that, but the only problem is that now it is starting to affect my other friendships. I feel like the one friend I thought would be there for a long time is now gone and basically dead to me. I hate feeling like that. Another friend of mine told me to pray about how I'm feeling and I just feel more and more hurt each time. I wake up from a dream and for some reason that dream involves 2 different scenarios I'm dealing with right now combined into one, and now I'm more confused then I was when I went to bed the night before. I don't want to talk to people about how I'm feeling because then I have to listen to some explanation of how they are going to handle it, or they don't care. I really want to just not talk about any of it! Especially when others feel like they have to talk over me about their problems! I used to be such an extrovert and talk about everything, and talk to everyone... now, all I want to do is crawl in a hole and never speak about my problems except to the one being I know truly cares. I am so grateful that I can speak to my Father in Heaven and get comfort from the Holy Ghost and then to know that the Savior has already paid the price to help me overcome these obstacles in my life. One day I just want to meet someone that will respond to me and let me cry on their shoulder and then not turn their back on me. Now, for those of you who know a tad of my situation please don't read too much into this. Half of this post is about something that happened over a year ago and is still going on. It is mixed in with the loads of confusion I have going on right now.
Lastly, I do not know if those that I want to read this ever will, but I want them to know that if they ever want to forgive me and be friends with me I'm willing to try, but the pain may never go away. Thanks for listening to my boring vent about how hurt I'm feeling.


In good news: work rocks, truck is the best, and I'm headed to COLORADO!